I feel so sick of people nowadays.. Well mainly only some but they make me so mad or something that it makes me feel so... sickening to other people.
Today emotions just came back into my heart but not in a good way. The feelings i haven't felt in such a long time, fear, sadness, anger, frustration, pain, loneliness, they all came back in a single flash. The moment my mom's fist was three inches away from my face it all came back. The only thing that stopped her from punching me in the face was that we had people over.. I remembered the feeling of not having someone in my life i could say anything to and know they'd listen to me and care back. But I know i do have people i can talk to but they aren't here with me. Rosie, Andrew, Kay, Jenna, those people aren't here with me. I can't hug them and feel like I'm loved, I can't cry to them and have them hug me tight.
Everyday I put on a smile and no one can tell that I really need someone can they? People seem to be telling me how i can't keep my mouth shut, how i need to learn how to shut up, how i cannot be trusted.. Same could go for you. I just hate myself and I don't even really have my own reasons to hate myself. I hate myself for the things people clam I do or am. But i do hate how i forgive so easily but in the end I always have to forgive them again..
Does everyone deserve forgiveness? I believe so.. But sometimes I wonder why i forgive them over and over again.. If everybody deserves forgiveness then don't I? Then again not everyone believes everyone should be forgiven.
Wow. Andrew just called me and then Shane, Dylan, and Brandon said hi to me and I just started crying from hearing their voices .
Ryoko Junkie Community Member 
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