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I claim to know her scent, her touches. Indeed I do, though I only claim such because I feel that sense of...familiarity that settles over my mind whenever I experience them.

...In dreams. Always only in dreams, yet...real, still.

To wake up and feel my skin, still alight with sparks where she held me. My stomach, still fluttering with butterflies...my heart, still a jackhammer bashing against my strangely empty chest.

...A dream? Oh my god...

She was THERE, I swear it! She was...wasn't she?

Reality and imagination have always shared a very thin boundary within my mind, but she has made the line almost indistinguishable...and now look at me, waking up and feeling my heart sink because I turn to meet her gaze only to find her not there.

Maddening when I feel her calling to me, and I call back in response...

Tell me, what joke is this? First to make me fall in love with one who would never love me back...as if that was not cruel enough, you released me from the spell...just in time to fall in love with another! One who would love me, one who was perfect, one who I could never wish to change...You gave her to me, and you gave me to her...yet you kept us miles apart, always.

I would kill for her...I would give anything, ANYTHING...I would swim across the ocean you have placed between us, screaming curses up at you the whole time.

I still haven't figured out yet...whether your purpose is to torture me or to finally get me to open my eyes and see the world around me. Either way you've served your purpose...when does the test end, when do I pass, when do I get rewarded with those plane tickets I keep asking Santa for?

Have I done wrong?...Have I screwed up in your eyes? I can't know unless you tell me...and that of course will never happen, considering I don't even know who I'm talking to.

Even now my heart jumps for her...wishing she could be here with me, in this moment. Wishing my dreams were a portal. Wishing I could tell her that I love her in more than just words on a screen or a voice interrupted by static.

I want to know her...in ways that I do not yet know her. And I want her to know me.

This sadness, it hurts, but it does not kill. No...never. Nothing in the world will ever touch me as long as I have her by my side, if only in spirit. I don't care if my plans fail...I don't care if I have to wait another three years before I achieve my dream of finally kissing her, finally listening to her heartbeat...

As long as I have her...I will wait. I promise her that. I love her.

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For those of you who couldn't tell, I got back together with my girlfriend. =3