What do you dislike most about yourself or the way you live...this could be anything from how you look, how to treat people, your job, etc.
How do you think you could realistically change this?
What do like most about you/your life?
Subject 1
Name: Stephanie Thomas
Age: 20
Gender: Female
My insecurities, well I have many, however from my personality and confidence not a lot of people would know of it.
The main criteria of what I would change would ultimately be my body, I neither loathe or love what I see in the mirror, however I pick so often at it, to change this, alter that, lose several pounds. I believe that if I could change these things I would feel better about myself, and have complete confidence in every thing I do.
I often look, and yes I blame the media, at the celebrities that are displayed, their slim/ slender form, perfectly sculptured bodies, I am fully aware that the majority of advertisement use airbrush techniques to hide any flaws, however you cannot feel inferior to such specimens. I look at those thinner then myself and feel that somehow they are leading a happier, more fulfilled life, I envy what they have.
Due to this ideal, I have gone to very extreme methods to reach these goals, my friends are often those who I tell, and due to this are led to worry for my well being, however I cannot stop what I do until I am satisfied with what I see no matter what costs, and sadly who I hurt.
If I could change this I would, but I don’t see how, I have felt this way for several years, no matter who tells me that I am beautiful, pretty or thin I am somehow functioned not to believe them, and so the cycle continues. Perhaps this has been a end result from years of bullying and taunts, it may also be a way to better myself in my opinion, whatever the cause I don’t see me changing my view anytime soon, if my friends who I love are unable to make me see different I don’t think anyone can.
I also lead a very amorous life, and I believe this also contributes to my lack of self esteem, even if it is for a night, I feel wanted.
As to how I can change this, I don’t think I am unable to, certainly not my mind set, I only hope that when I reach my goal, I will not feel the urge to continue. However, I don’t think even this will be plausible, as for every goal I meet, I set another one, and I just feel destined that I will never truly love what I see before me in the mirror.
I often find this somewhat ironic, compared to how the majority of the populace see’s me I am completely the opposite. I give of this aurora of arrogance, superiority, I seem to ooze confidence, I yearn to be the centre of attention, I love being popular, I don’t bulk at challenges, I find it easy to talk to strangers, I smile at people upon the street. To those who don’t know me, I appear self assured; however this cannot be so far from the truth.
For the question, what do I like about myself, my easy answer and probably the one I often give, would be nothing. Though I do admit there are a few things in my life I would give anything for, those few select people that I love, mean the world to me, and I am grateful to them, the rare times in my life where I look in the mirror and actually like certain things of myself, my eyes perhaps, certainly my hair. I hope that with these adjustments I would come to understand the meaning of self worth and no longer place my body in hazardous conditions, all for the sake for vanity, but ultimately for my happiness.
There are many other alterations I would like to make to my life, my job, my living conditions, the ability to love without feeling burdened. At this moment I am undergoing a transformation and hopefully my drastic decisions will help toward a better life. I believe some people, including myself grow complacent, even if we hate what we do. By making crucial and speedy steps I have set in motion something I can no longer turn back to, within these next few months I become jobless, homeless and with little money in the bank hardly in a wanted position. However by setting forward and branching out I start a new life, and I can only hope that I will enjoy and flourish into existence. Whatever verdict I choose, whatever actions I take, however lonely and desperate I become, however much I may torture myself to become the better me, I always know that I have my friends beside me, and that’s all I will ever need.
