Writing out my complaints of past events and ones to come within the future.
LOOK FOR A BRIGHTER TOMORROW they say... doesn't really work. I feel sorta... lost.
With all this crap that's happened/ing, I just can't but feel lost. First thing, my boyfriend had his computer privileges taken away for 3-5 weeks (that idiot) and can't write me a letter or give me a call, my laptop died and I can rarely ask my brother or my dad if I can use one of theirs, my grandmother (whose had cancer for some time now) is getting worse little by little because she doesn't understand that she has to get up and move around; everything is handed to her on a silver platter yet my parents put a stop to that, my mom's health is decreasing; I mean, come on, 15 and a half pills a day? Yeah, she's on that many for Parkisons, distonia, and essential tremors... barely anything helps. My brother has found a girlfriend so I just sit and stare at him (not literally) as he complains about his looks. And my dad, well he's been sick a lot lately and no one is sure if it's just a simple cold or what.
Sure I have a few things going on for me (wrists problems mainly) but no one can tell anymore, I've learned to hide the pain. My whole family has probably forgotten I exist; sure feels like it. But it might just be my imagination, they'll occansionaly say, "Hi shadow" or "Hey there death girl."
Okay, wtf? I don't look so dead anymore. Sure my eyes are still blank and red, but that's because I stay up all night reading and doing frickin' school work because that's all I am, a slave to the frickin' acedimics (shut up about my horrible spelling).
UGH!!! I just feel confused! I guess that's all it is!
Some friends have turned against me because I get angered too easily (well if you'll stop being IDIOTS then I wouldn't have to get so mad), or some have just begun ignoring me.
I'm lost and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Is there a light anymore? Or has it just up and gone? Is this really a tunnel I'm walking in? Or is it just a circle that I can't be pulled out of?
***DON'T STOP READING YET***
I don't give a rats arse if you're sitting in your chair saying, "Oh gosh, Olive is being EMO again." It's your own fault for thinking, "Wonder if Olive got Super Domo up yet? *checks journal*" Go shoot yourself mad
Now then... where was I? Oh yes....
It could just be me, but I'm not sure. It could be just a little "teenage angst." Yeah, know what? I'm getting sick of hearing that. It's not normal crap that the little normal pussies feel; I'm seriously mental. Emotions hit me, like I've run into a brick wall, had an anvil dropped on my head, then a safe, then a boulder... and it sticks around for a while. So, if you don't like my attitude, say it to my face, I'll be happy to say, "Oh? Terribly sorry, guess I should be more of a b**ch then. ^^"
Yeah, sometimes I have those days, sometimes I don't. It all depends on what day people annoy me... which would, by now, be almost every single day.
Sorry to state those facts, folks, but hey, I had to say something. The voices inside my head, the people inside me, have forced their way out and I can't put them to slumber until all is said and done.
So... I guess since all this buisiness has been done, and I don't have a headache anymore, yet still have a longing for companionship (surrounded by friends--but that will never happen, I'm not that kind of person), things should be... okay.
A little bit more on the positive note; writer's block has left me alone for a bit, I finished a great book called Eragon and am now reading Eldest...
There's your positive side. Everything else......... sucks. :D
Isn't that wonderful?
Yeah, well I hope you all have a great day, unlike myself, things are going to be dark... extremely dark for a while...
Your always-has-to-be-negative,
Oliff
 Olive_the_Monkey_Ninja · Mon Jan 09, 2006 @ 02:48pm · 4 Comments |
