Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I've always wanted to be an evil overlord. Controlling my loyal minions, sending them out to wage war, conqueror new lands, put down heroes, etc, etc. However! We all know that the hero almost always wins (boo!) and therefore I've decided to follow these simple guidelines in order to contiune my rule unapposed for many years.

I've split them up into many smaller posts instead of one large one. Why? A. I'm evil like that twisted B. All evil overlords need money, and more posts equals more money. So without further adio:

The Evil Overlord List: Part I (with some notes added by this Evil Overlord, just to remind himself of his particular style of Evilness)

1.) My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2.) My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3.) My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4.) Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5.)The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness. Evil note - I will however, put an item in this location, and fake its importance, that way the hero will waste his/her time. Imagine their surpise when he whips out a "magic" mirror hoping to weaken me and I respond: "Huh, I wonder where I left that."
6.) I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7.) When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. Evil note - On second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8.) After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9.) I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10.) I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well. Evil/Homoical note - or I could just not interrogate anyone, it's just so much work to get a straight answer out of someone as they are in their screaming death throes.