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sometimes
i just feal like i scare people away. the people i actually want to be with never come around. everyone else can die they suck. but the chosen few dont choose me.
i think i scare them. there was a time when cody and whitney would call me and josh and ask us to come out with them. we went to the movies twice, we went to the mall once, we went to whitneys b day party, we went out random shopping one day and then..... nothing.
josh says mabye its because cody has a job now, a job he sepnds 30-40 hours a week on.
this is so not coming out right. saying it to josh it sounded much better, it was formanted difrently and he was talking to me and...
******** screw it.

im a scary person. when im around people i become diffrent
i cant help my self
but underneeth
where no one can guess im afraid. i hate my self and i hate everyone else more. but im better than them and for that i love my self.
the chosen few
its hard
its difficult
its akward. im not a person around them, only one person knows me and i grasp my self.
tonight having someone to hold, the only one person i can ever be comfertable with, the only person who will be there and understand what im saying, it made me feal alot better.
yet it made me feal confined. if the chosen ones dont love me than what ver the ********. i just wish though that there were more chosen ones in houston. more people worthy of living and notable enough for me to approach.
im totally in love and im alone.
there is always ONE warm person for me
ONE soft person
ONE ear

only one
and me

and i love him and he loves me.

i guess the world was not for me to take on.