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I have to think about it. Because it's the best way to do things. And I came to a realization.

I was kissing Loki (passionate embrace, soft moans, the whole nine yards) and suddenly his thoughts flickered (I don't know how to stay out of his mind, Nya-chan, so don't chastise me stare ) and he just shut down. Turned his face away and pushed me away slightly. And then I realized what the problem was.
He couldn't kiss me thinking that Nobuyuki had touched me.

Loki only did this for me. I know he did, but that little incident confirms it. I like Oni-sensei a lot. Nyx thinks he's hot. And Loki just agreed because we both like being around him and Loki wants us to be happy. But.... I can't sacrifice the two men I love more than anything just because I want a hot Oni in my life too.

I need to tell Oni-sensei that it's not going to work. I still want him to be my Sensei. I still want him to be there for me. I still want to have the occasional kiss. But I can't be as romantically involved with him as I am with Loki and Nyx. Because I was thinking about it too. And I realized that I can't imagine myself making love to Oni-sensei. Every time I did... I got scared. And I realized that I don't trust him enough. And I must not love him as much as I'd hoped if just that thought makes me turn away.

Yes he's hot. Yes I love him. But I think it's the same way I love Einarr (who is sleeping on the living room floor, full of Shrimp Bisque). I look up to him. I respect him. I admire him.

But I'm not in love with him.