Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I am not hit with a muse for this,
I write with myself as cool as I can be at this moment of time and being,
I write,
at this moment,
Not knowing what will be made letter by letter.....

Something simple is hard to believe,
It seems to easy,
I have pitied myself for months now..and been doing it maybe much longer,
I have taken something so simple,
and wrapped my inner self around it,
Maybe not that though,
What is it that lies within?
I am aware of a bit more hopefully my friends,
That no longer i am strangled by my past,
but,
I do fear it,
fear being less that what I..was..am?
We each define life as we best can,
And then much sometimes shatter it again and again.

Some of you know it,
some of you understand how damaging it is,
how hard it is to try to not cut ourselves on the shards of the past and the trappings wrapping around out feet,
the vines making the walk even more painful,
more shaky and hard to walk step by step,
I have made grave errors,
even now,
to not woe and weep on our hardship,
however it comes,
Resolve is a slippery thing indeed,
it is hard to fit patience with it,
the piece almost not wishing to fit,
even then we must hold it until a way to keep the vast waves from getting out,
as if to drain our patience as well,
whatever the goal is,
whenever the things we fear must be faced,
the rebuilding of ourselves is harder and harder,
trying to save the water of life within us,
Losing some each time it seems,
How many a night have we...or maybe its was just me,
raised our hand and stared at the spaces in between our fingers,
And wondered what was real and what was false,
wondering if we are waiting...
and if we are what is it?
It will tear at us,
it will hurt us,
and we won't know why,
or how,
Sometimes it seems as if time is up,
and the chance for what we wanted is gone,
but then suddenly you never felt younger,
and a year really feels like a year,
The nights you sleep are restless,
the nights you don't sleep are pleasant only when you can be completely distracted or out of your thoughts,
the few dreams you remember are strange and only a few are useful,
And the second you get a way to archive them,
they leave,
and slowly you wonder again,
You know who you are my friends......

You are one of many I believe....
Or maybe its just me.....
This is the unique world that is that of the shaken soul....
how long it goes is never known....
just hope that it calms for this person,
whoever they are,
because they would never be so cruel as to wish this on you...
as I don't wish this on those who don't know this state of being,
it isn't because it's hard...
it isn't just pain,
it isn't the street,
or the life of the poor,
its worse for each person,
to all of us,
we have our own torture,
but to be honest,
life in the physical realm is always better than the chaos of the world you don't know,
the world you can't feel,
and can't even know is real....
the realm of the soul is a powerful place indeed,
and it can really do powerful things....
Good....
and bad....

Do not be ignorant those who read...
I do not dare say this in complaint for my life,
I say this because this is the best i can explain some of this,
and nothing more nothing less.
Pity you who doesn't deem this fact and insult any of who this speaks.