I've decided to actually use this as a Journal... I want to talk about whats actually happening with me, might help me focus. Ok so heres the deal, I'm getting the feeling that I just don't give a frig anymore, I feel like this little person with to much indviguality and the adults are scared of it so they try to stamp it out. The more they try the more I fight but the more I fight them the more I fight something way down deep into the back of my mind. I call it the Black Hole cause it sucks up every positive thought and spits out a negative one.
I'm fat, I'm ugly, people only hang out with me cause they don't have anyone to hang out with. That kinda thing, I think it's the start of depression I'm not sure. So I'm fighting to be me but I'm also fighting against this black hole. I feel kind of suspended sometimes, like I'm seperated from myself and watching what my bodies doing, I see myself smile and I know it's fake, I hear myself laugh but I know it's not real and I watch the people around me carry on without noticing, it's extremely disturbing.SO.. yeah thats all I can think about right now... if anyone reads this and they have advice... help me.
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My life. (The way I want it to be.)
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