I was laying lazily on the worn out couch in my living room, flipping mindlessly through the television channels. Dora? ...Nah, I ain't no freaking baby....The Girls Next Door? ...No thanks, skanks. I finally settled on the Paris Hilton's My New BFF and felt my IQ slowly descend as Paris described how "hot" everything was.
The annoying "ding-dong" that was my doorbell interupted my trance of idiocy, and I wiped the drool from my mouth. I reluctantly picked myself up, and slumped my way to the front door. I opened it, slowly...(carefully, OMG what if it was a murderer)...and saw a little girl dressed in a Girl Scout uniform, made of an ugly fabric that reminded me of the color of mustard.
"Hello!" The little girl chimed happily, which frankly, annoyed the crap out of me, "My name is Julie. Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?
"I don't know, how much are these cookies?" I replied, leaning against the the piece of wood outlining the door (I'm not mother freaking Einstien, I don't know what it's callled).
"Well, it's $3.50 for each box, and we have a very large selection of cookies. We have ThinMints, Thank-You's, Caramel delights, lemonades, peanut butter patties--"
"Ok, ok, ok! Cheesus, I don't need every type of damn cookie in the world! Besides, I have no money. All my money went into my ant farm--I've upgraded to red ants. So sorry, sweetheart, I can't buy any of your cookies."
I thought the little girl was going to burst into tears and run to her mother, but instead, her eyes began to glow a color of red that reminded me of a child's butt when it's spanked numerous times.
Her voice became very scary. It sort of sounded like a mix between a dying old man and Britany Spears. She said this, "If you don't buy my ****ing cookies, I won't be able to win the trip to Disneyland. And I really want to go to Disneyland. I want to get a hug from Mickey fricken-Mouse, dammit!"
"Uhhhh, okaaay then. I'll take a box of ThinMints please." I said.
"Do you think a box of ThinMints is going to get me to Disneyland, you moron?!? Buy something else."
"Um, you're lucky I'm gonna buy that box of ThinMints from you, you little sack! So why don't you give them, I'll give you the money, and you can walk away, hmm?"
Then, the girl screeched like a bat out of hell. Which, probably wasn't too far off, because she morphed into this f-ed up creature that had ugly black wings and giant fangs, and a horn on it's forehead.
"Hmm. That's interesting. So, what are you? An animorpher?" I laughed.
"No, you imbecile! I'm a Unicorn!"
I laughed even harder, "A unicorn?!? Aren't they supposed to be pretty and horse-like?"
"No, people just get the wrong idea. Unicorns are actually the devil's hinchmen. I've come straight from hell to take something from you!"
"And that would be..?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips.
"Your ANT FARM!" The unicorn screeched, and let out a huge fart, which caused an earthquake. Then, the earth quaked, and a huge crevice appeared, and more unicorns flocked out, screeching, "Potatoes are brown!" for some unknown reason.
I slammed the door and ran up to my room. I locked the door behind me and grabbed on to my ant farm. "Don't worry babies, I'll protect you!"
I heard glass shatter, and turned around to see the ex Girl-Scout unicorn coming through my window.
"NUGGETS!" I screamed.

--To be continued--