Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

well it is me again summer has been so freaking boring. it has brought my depression back. i mean i still had it when school was in, i was just way better at hiding it all behind my smile and my kiss up-ness. i have never ever felt this low. it is scaring me. i have tried all the meditating crap and it worked for a little but not very long. i have nothing else to think about but depression so what the hell i might as well think about it. i have had thoughts that i havent thought about in so long that i tried so hard to shove in the back of my head. i wanted this summer to be the best summer of my life but that is kinda hard when both of your parents work full time and you are stuck home alone being the only child. i havent done anything that i wanted to do at all this freaking summer and it is almost over. only one month left. All of my faily problems have been brought up again which dosent help. people dont even know me from my outer shell. my outer shell is portrayed as a picture perfect family who is always there for me, smart, and evil. well for one my family is crap. my life is so messed up i am just really good at hiding everything.my family is hardly ever there for me either they are always working and they both hate their jobs. how stupid is that. but i am evil and vinn dictive. i abuse people with my smarts and i know that it is wrong but i dont know any better. i am hidden behind my mask, my outershell,a prep.. i am dieing to break out but my parents will kill me if i do. i am no drama queen just a chick with depression hiding behind my prepy smile.