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I don't know what that title is about. I sorta half randomly pressed buttons after the f ... s.

What I do know is that I'm terribly bored and lonesome. Oh god. Dem's gone on some kind of camping trip thing and Kana's internets are retarded so I'm pretty much left ALOOONE. And it's like, some kind of drug was taken away from me because I'm experiencing the withdrawals coupled with a nice bout of spontaneity that I believe may be derived by a watered-down form of insanity.

I'm being forced to do... OUTSIDE THINGS.

Or maybe mostly just cling to Larx (Azzy) and Lex (Aaron) and mooch off their things and talk to squirrels. Good times amirite. Should see Gab, Tai, and Nika this week though. It'd be nice.

Oh yeah, and I have no idea what the ******** is up with lately. Hormones are a-buzzing in the air, I think, or the summertime is just determined to follow it's usual pattern and get me a mate before it has ended, because I have been having to deal with an influx of male crushes lately. Or more accurately, every guy I hangout with that is single develops a crush on me. It is actually pretty distressing, because I don't like any of them. Oh, I'm blunt as hell, that's how it goes, but it's not like I like having to shoot them down.

It's hilarious when I try and describe my perfect guy though, and every. single one. without exception. will try and apply all of the traits to themselves. More often then not, they are disillusioned, as much as I hate to put it that way. But it's not their faults, and I don't dislike them for it, because my standards are ridiculously high and they shouldn't be. I can't help it though, I'm the kind of girl that shoots for ideals or else doesn't do anything at all. I'm not gonna date a guy I don't like, it's just a stupid idea. It's asking for the relationship to fail before it's even begun. Last time I tried something like that, I couldn't even kiss them and in the end I hurt someone who I considered a friend when I should of never tried it out to begin with. Leading people on is wrong, got it memorized?

.... Yeah, I couldn't resist sticking that in there. Dx Too ... much... Kingdom Hearts fandom!

That leads me to say something else - I'm sorry guys, but I love a fictional character more then I love any of you. God that sounded bitchy. But it's true! I have a mad crush on Axel. I know I said to myself after the Edward thing I'd never 'fall in love' with another fictional guy again, but meh, I've been around a bit. I've experienced true love. I've given my virginity away and had my body exploited by a guy who didn't give a s**t about me no matter how hard I tried. I've had the first and only guy I ever really loved tell me he regretted how much he hurt me and that he still loved me. But in the end, all of these don't matter anymore because I've moved on. I've moved on and I've learned from them; became a stronger person; a better one.

And after all this I've back to where I was when I was 15, almost four years later crushing hopelessly on a guy that isn't real nor would likely have a smidgen of interest in me even if he was. But you know what? This is gonna sound weird, but this is fine. Axel can't hurt me, he's like a thousand times cooler then any of the guys I really know, and I have a strong imagination. I get to have fun imagining what it'd be like if we were friends, and we could eat ice cream up on on the Clock Tower like him and Roxas do. Or if we could hold hands and make fun of what stupid fit Gimpy took that day, or how long Xemnas went on about Kingdom Hearts, and just laugh together. I'd love to make friends with Roxas and Demyx too. I'd probably try and get along with Marluxia and fail utterly, ahahaha. I'm perfectly content with my situation since it's as well it as could be.

Besides, I totally get to roleplay with someone who plays the best Axel ever. She's the one who made me love Axel to begin with - via the roleplay, via the fanfiction, and via the game. Eternal isn't exactly too much like me, but oh well. I really enjoy roleplaying those two together. It makes me happy.

I don't need a boyfriend, stupid summer. Unless you were to give me Axel himself, ahahah.

Who knows though, maybe I'll meet someone who will break all my expectations, or just be an amazing enough individual that they don't have to. It's happened before, after all. Not that I ever want to go through that again.

Well, that aside, I'm going up to Lex's with Larx tonight. We're gonna play some Abyss and pester Lex, like we usually do. :3

God this summer is going fast by. It's almost August already? I can't say if I'm upset or not. My birthday is in like two months. I'll be... 19. Legal drinking age. Apparently Larxene is taking me out to the bar to party. >.> I don't like drinking too much, but I will every once in a while. When I drink though I kinda tend to, uh... become a giant slut. Yeah. Maybe we shouldn't go to a public place.

What I really want for my birthday is 358/2 Days. ^___^ Teehee.

Okay, I think that's all I really got to talk about.

I miss my roleplay partners. And it's only been one day. This week is gonna kill me. ;_;

Number XI out~! ♥