I'm slowly losing the will to write. It's sad. To know...the thing I love the most as an action, is slowly dying along with me. My writing's become....jumbled with ideas that are screaming out just like this pain is and no one around here can see this pain. I want to divide and conquer these ideas, so many of which clash with my own emotions to cause me to not want to go through with them when I want to do so so badly. I've already restarted typing the novel again...it's 36 pages long, needs editing, but it's still going. It's not done yet.
It's funny no one can see the pain around here...this household I mean. They know I'm not their perfect daughter and refuse to accept it. They want me to be...what they envisioned me by now. I'm not their vision, I'm their nightmare.
I screamed my soul today. I never felt such a pain from love past and present. The words staying hoarse in my throat as the vocals quickly became dry and my cheeks became wet with tears. Then I screamed the words.
YOU ARE FEE TO LEAVE ME JUST DON'T DECEIVE ME AND PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good God that hurt. Even though it's been 5 hours roughly since I screamed it, my heart while beating is aching. I can't stop it. It hurts so bad. I screamed my soul...while my mom was asleep in the next room over.
Funny, you'd think she'd get up, ask, say: Honey are you ok, what's wrong?
No...no this family isn't like this. They live on lies of themselves, of what they want me to be, what they want to see in me, BUT IT'S ALL LIES. I live by my own self. F*** them.
I want to scream again. So loud I want to scream. It felt good to scream last night on the rides. I want to do it all again and more. Maybe I might cut again. I already did.
It's funny no one can see the pain around here...this household I mean. They know I'm not their perfect daughter and refuse to accept it. They want me to be...what they envisioned me by now. I'm not their vision, I'm their nightmare.
I screamed my soul today. I never felt such a pain from love past and present. The words staying hoarse in my throat as the vocals quickly became dry and my cheeks became wet with tears. Then I screamed the words.
YOU ARE FEE TO LEAVE ME JUST DON'T DECEIVE ME AND PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good God that hurt. Even though it's been 5 hours roughly since I screamed it, my heart while beating is aching. I can't stop it. It hurts so bad. I screamed my soul...while my mom was asleep in the next room over.
Funny, you'd think she'd get up, ask, say: Honey are you ok, what's wrong?
No...no this family isn't like this. They live on lies of themselves, of what they want me to be, what they want to see in me, BUT IT'S ALL LIES. I live by my own self. F*** them.
I want to scream again. So loud I want to scream. It felt good to scream last night on the rides. I want to do it all again and more. Maybe I might cut again. I already did.
