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This has to be atleast the 10th ******** time I've been pissed today. scream

I'm reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaly ******** sick of my life. I'm ******** sick of being who I am and where I am. stressed scream stressed scream

I've got rage coursing through my ******** vains and no one avalible to relieve the pain. scream stressed

I'm sick of this all so much. stressed .... cry

I want to cry right now. I want to bawl like a baby into the arms of someone who care, but no one does. I would cry into my pillow like I usually do, but for some reason that just remind me of how lonely I really am. I don't want to be alone anymore.

Yes, yes, mentally and net wise I am not alone at all. I have many friends whom care for me. And though I would not give that up for anything...I physically need someone around me.

It just not as comforting anymore to know someone far, far away from me cares for me when in the end I will never truely know. All I will know is the person they portray when I chat with them on the net. As many fantasies I have found myself living this is always the hardest to except. I don't want it to be like this...if so many people truely care for me then why can't they be here when I need them now? I would kill just to have someone I know hug me and stroke my back, promising everything will be okay when in the end, neither of us know it will for sure. Just simple comforting words and the satisfaction from a human touch is all I need to be okay again. I don't even have Greg anymore...besides when we occasionally talk on the phone, which always ends making me feel worse for not being with the one person I know I could hug and get that comforting touch I so desire.

What surprises me is that this human touch I desire has nothing to do with sex. I just...want to be held, you know? I want to be given the impression that all is well...

I would adore living in an illusion right now...

I guess all is well though, I mean...

When I turn 18, I am going to go on a road trip and visit some of the people I know (and TRUST) from the net, only like...2 or 3 stops, 3nodding but I am still going to do it. I want to be able to hug the people I share such intiment thoughs with. There is...one person... redface in particular I reeeaaaallly want to meet, but I dun think he would want to meet me 'cause he is who he is.

::sigh:: I just wish everyhing was okay again, I wish I were living in that fantasy world of mines I hate waking to the grim reality I am surrounded by.... sad