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Verse 1
I was born with a d**k in my brain yeah ******** in the head,
my stepfather said that I sucked in the bed,
till one night he snuck in and said, "we're going out back- I want my d**k sucked in the shed",
can't we just play with Teddy Ruxpin instead?,
"After I ******** you in the butt get some head,
bust a nut get some rest",
the next day my mother said "I don't know what the ******** up with this kid,
the b*****d won't even eat nothin he's fed,
he just hung himself in the bedroom he's dead",
"Debbie don't let that ******** get you upset,
go in there stick a ********' cigarette to his neck,
I bet you he's faking it, I'll bet you I'll bet,
he probably just wants to see how upset you would get,
I'll go handle this of course unless you object?"
"Aw go ******** his brains out if any's left in his head"

Chorus
If you could count the skeletons in my closet,
under my bed and up under my faucet,
then you would know I completely lost it,
is he nuts? NO, he's insane,
If you could count the skeletons in my closet,
then you would know I completely lost it,
is he nuts? NO, he's insane.

Verse 2
Did you get him? Naw the ******** tried to bite my face off,
I just got ********' chased off with a chainsaw,
then he took the chainsaw bit the ********' blades off,
ate the blades stuck a baseball in a slangshot,
then he aimed at his own face let the thang pop,
took his eye out picked it up and played pang-pong,
then he played pang-pong with his own dang dong,
that ******** got nuts like Kang Kong,
then he set the lawnmower out on the dang lawn,
and he laid all up underneath it with the thang on,
then he took his pants he took every ******** thang off,
everythang 'cept his tank to and his training bra,
ain't he raw? Yeah, maniac that's Shady dog man that ******** gangsta, ain't he dog?,
Shady dog what be goin' through that ********' brain of yours?,
say no more, what the ******** you waitin' for sang along,

Chorus

Verse 3
Don't you know what feltch means? Yeah- well then tell me,
would you rather get fetched or the feltching?,
******** 'em in the a** suck the come out while you're belching,
(burp) burp belch and go back for a second helping,
can you dig what I', sayin' man can you smell me?,
I want you to feel me like my stepfather felt me,
******** a little puppy kick the puppy while he's yelping,
Shady what the ******** you saying? I don't know help me,
what the ******** happening? I think I'm ******** melting,
"Marshall I just love you boy I care about your well being",
No dad I said no, I don't need no help peeing, I'm a big boy I can do it by myself see,
I only get naked when the babysitter tells me,
she showed me a movie like "Nightmare on Elm Street",
but it was X and they called it "Pubic Hair on Chelsea",
"well this one's called "a** Rape" and were shooting the jail scene",

Chorus