What are you doing here? Looking for entertainment?! What am I, a dancing monkey for your own entertainment?! *Trying to pretend that she isn't just mad because she doesn't have any ideas*
OK, you remember that Captain Planet episode one recap I did a while ago? Well I'm going to do it again!
No, I mean I'll be recapping the second episode.
Sheesh, it's not that exciting, ha-ha, I'm flattered really, no thank you fictional audience, I'm flattered!
*Ahem*
OK, so for those of you who missed the first recap, Captain Planet is about oh screw it I'm too lazy to explain. Go read the first recap, or better yet, the wikipedia page. Or the TV tropes page. Just don't ask me to try and explain myself.
OK, so we start off with the same musical dramatic sting and plot synopsis. Pollution, Gaia (Heh-heh), Rings, Captain Planet. The usual thing covered in-depth in the other recap that you should really read already.
Now unlike the last episode, this one is not by one person and written by another, but merely written by somebody. Make what you will of this.
So what originally seems to be a small historical village turns out to be in actuality, a steampunk-esque town.
A not at all suggestive... thing comes up out of the ground. It turns around to reveal a mirror like thing on the other side and circles around, while a voice reveals that this steampunk-like place is a coal factory that was shut down by the stinkin' environmentalists, putting a whole village out of jobs and ruining their livelihood.
The thing crawls back into the ground where it turns out to be part of a giant drill machine, being operated by a man with a rat tail. I s**t you not here.
See? I'd show you his face, but since he's wearing some sort of burka, all you can see is that he has yellow eyes with red irises. And a rat tail. And he complains that environmentalists have no appreciation for filth. OK, so this is our second mutant who is irritated by environmentalists. I suppose the message here is that people who pollute are less then human or something.
He then yells at his henchmen, who are also mutants. One of them has grey skin, both have these flat-topped hair styles, mutton-chop beards, pointy ears, and buck teeth. Must be a seperate race. If they turn out to have tails, then they're probably part of Ratman's race.
Sure enough, when they drill upwards into the coal factory and start hopping out of the drill tanks, they do, in fact, have rat tails. So in whatever the hell alternate dimension this is, there's a secret underground race of rat-men who run around breaking into coal factorys.
Wow, I think I'm starting to see what people meant when they said this cartoon was ridiculous.
Also, the lead Ratman in the red burka is named 'Verminus Scum'. He probably has a list of family and self-esteem issues longer then yer arm.
Soon the coal factory is up and running, and apparantly it consists of loading up a large amount of coal onto conveyer belts to dump it into furnaces. I'm not entirely sure what this is supposed to accomplish.
A new Ratman comes in with what Verminus Scum pronounces to be a 'SPECIAL RAIN MAKING CHEMICAL'. Which makes me wonder, are there any specific chemicals that make rain that come into fluid format?
The Ratmen dump the fluid chemical stuff onto the conveyer belt with the coal. Vermy expositions that when the chemical turns into rain, the coal smoke will make it turn into acid rain. Now why would Vermy and the Ratmen want this? I propose two theories:
1. In whatever crazy alternate dimension this is, people get mutated by pollutants. Vermy and his henchmen were a bunch of men at a military outpost that got hit by the acid rain, which mutated them into an entirely different species. Unfortunately for them, since we've seen not Ratwomen so far we can only assume that there weren't any at the outpost. The Ratmen are now trying to create more acid rain in the hopes it will mutate some Ratwomen. This is because the Ratmen's ding-dongs are incompatible with human women's tallula hulas, and the Ratmen will be damned if they're going to spend the rest of their life without doing the straight oingo-boingo.
Or theory number two:
2. They're evil damnit. Shut up.
We then zoom over to Hope Island, where the Planeteers are competing to finish a basic training course they assembled out of bamboo in their spare time because Gaia won't transport them back home to their Playstations. Loser has to jump into an oil spill.
Matee, while hopping through a bunch of tires (Don't ask) complains that these obstacles are not easy for little people. And by that I don't mean midgets, I mean short people.
You know what? I'll just shut up about short people that aren't midgets.
Anyway, so the Planeteers are exercising on what certainly isn't playground equipment. As part of the exercise, they all have to climb this wall.
No, I don't see anything odd about my reluctance to show pictures of the coal factory or interesting stuff while showing pictures of bamboo playground equipment.
So Gi's winning against Kwamee (Kwamee is the black guy, Gi's the Asian girl) but Kwamee can't have that because it would be too hurtful to his manliness. So he cheats and uses his Earth powers to cause a minor quake (Killing lots of small fish in the nearby bay, but shush) causing Gi to fall off and allowing Kwamee to neatly catch her.
He totally planned this ahead of time. And she's totally trying to resist the urge to b***h-slap him.
OK, she doesn't b***h-slap him, she just laughs it off, pokes his nose, and races him up the fence. She wins, much to Kwamee's ever-lasting shame.
Wheeler is inspired enough by this to ask Linka if she'll need help. Unfortunately for Wheeler's libido, he gets rejected for calling her 'Rootskee-Tootskee' whatever the hell that means. They run off, followed by Matee looking after them like a little lost puppy.
Aww, poor widdle Matee wants a wuv interest too. Anyway. He jumps across the mud pit in front of the wall that I conveniently forgot to mention earlier, wobbles, doesn't fall, and then starts climbing up the wall, lamenting in his best 'little kid' voice that he's not very big.
Then, just as he's about to reach over he falls off into the mud pit, throughly demasculated. Picture the above picture, only muddier.
The other Planeteers, who were all 'You go Matee!' earlier, now start laughing their asses off at Matee's expense, because a mud-covered sad-faced Matee is apparantly the funniest thing they've ever seen. Gi comments that with a cherry on top and some whipped cream he'd look just like a hot fudge sundae.
I dunno, I think he'd look more like a muddy little kid who got into the whipped cream, but that's just me.
Along comes Gaia, who doesn't have a physical form right now for some reason.
If you pay attention, you'll notice Gaia's image is still bigger then her physical form, although it's not as noticable as it is with her zOMG GIANT GAIA HEAD WTF ARGH form. She tells them to get to the crystal chamber, whatever that is, because there's another emergancy.
The Planeteers take this calmly, and Linka offers to help Matee out of the pit. Whereupon he blubbers that everybody always has to help him because he's small.
Um, let's see, in the two episodes we've been watching, when has Matee ever needed help due to his size? Heck, even now Linka's more offering to help him out of the mud puddle out of manners, not because he'd be incapable of climbing out. I suppose all this height stuff must happen off-screen during the adventures where they help save the planet from normal people instead of evil 2-D mutants.
So Matee's all "Wah, I'm such a load!" and runs away all emo. Kwamee says, "Matee must feel like he fail." (Look, it's what I heard!) Gi, you think? Actually Gi thinks they shouldn't have laughed at him.
So later they all arrive at the Crytsal Chamber, which turns out to be some sort of main building. Gaia shows them pictures of Vermy. Remember the Ratmen we saw earlier? Well neither do I, but this guy's their leader.
It's a pity they couldn't get any mugshots of him without the burka. Wheeler feels compelled to say, "He's an exterminators nightmare!". Yeah, I'd imagine an exterminator would consider a dream involving a humanoid sentient Ratman just a bit freaky.
Gaia also gives us a bit on his backstory, which is that he were raised in toxic waste. OK, so that elimantes the 'mutated soldiers' theory. I dunno, maybe a bunch of unwanted baby boys were dumped into a sewer, mutated, grew up, and then made a plan to mutate some Ratwomen.
Gaia continues on to inform us of their burning coal and acid rain making plans. Kwamee gets the picture, and suggests that maybe they ought to stop them? Duh.
So they're off flying in their Planet-Plane, a few minutes from the factory, and Matee takes the time to mentally b***h about how he's so troublesome because he's small. Where the hell is this height complex from anyway?
So when they finally land, Matee refuses to go with them because he'd be absolutely no help. Um, last time round all the Planeteers, including the 'big kids' were pretty much only there to summon Captain Planet and clean him off. Since that would probably be the best strategy here as well (Five somewhat more athletic then average kids still cannot win against an entire military outpost's worth of trained mutant soliders) they'll still need Matee in order to summon Captain Planet, right?
Nope, Matee still wants to continue on with his emo bullcrap. Bah, this is probably him just looking for an excuse for a break or something.
Anyway, he eventually just tells Wheeler to go away. Everybody is understandably confused. Maybe these issues started from back home? What the hell is Matee's home life like anyway? For that matter, where are everybody's familys?
Well, they give up and start coming up with plans, while back in the coal factory Vermy continues with his evil plans and cheering on the troops.
I wonder if he's moved from that spot since we last saw him?
Suddenly there's an Earthquake! Which is, of course, provided by yours truly, Kwamee. Earthquakes are also useful for cheating at races and catching chicks. No, of course I'm still not annoyed over that!
So Vermy bursts outside along with two armed guards and asks them who the hell they are. "We're the Planeteers. And you're a freak. And we'll stop you!" Wheeler says. And Vermy just says, "Indeed." In what's actually an oddly threatning voice.
Hey, I think that the Ratperson to Vermy's left (Our right) might possibly be female. Or maybe they're just sporting long hair. I dunno. Vermy's troops attempt to spray the Planeteers with some sort of toxic waste, but the Planeteer's dodge so they just end up melting some old metal machinary across from them. Wheeler disintigrates some more of the toxic waste that gets sprayed towards them, but sadly it ends up turning into more of the acid rainclouds. But at least they didn't die.
So Gi, Kwamee, and Wheeler all run off pursued by Vermy's guards while Linka takes advantage of the distraction to run inside to stop the coal operation. Because surely Vermy couldn't possibly have left some guards out or anything, right?!
-Part two coming later-
OK, you remember that Captain Planet episode one recap I did a while ago? Well I'm going to do it again!
No, I mean I'll be recapping the second episode.
Sheesh, it's not that exciting, ha-ha, I'm flattered really, no thank you fictional audience, I'm flattered!
*Ahem*
OK, so for those of you who missed the first recap, Captain Planet is about oh screw it I'm too lazy to explain. Go read the first recap, or better yet, the wikipedia page. Or the TV tropes page. Just don't ask me to try and explain myself.
OK, so we start off with the same musical dramatic sting and plot synopsis. Pollution, Gaia (Heh-heh), Rings, Captain Planet. The usual thing covered in-depth in the other recap that you should really read already.
Now unlike the last episode, this one is not by one person and written by another, but merely written by somebody. Make what you will of this.
So what originally seems to be a small historical village turns out to be in actuality, a steampunk-esque town.
A not at all suggestive... thing comes up out of the ground. It turns around to reveal a mirror like thing on the other side and circles around, while a voice reveals that this steampunk-like place is a coal factory that was shut down by the stinkin' environmentalists, putting a whole village out of jobs and ruining their livelihood.
The thing crawls back into the ground where it turns out to be part of a giant drill machine, being operated by a man with a rat tail. I s**t you not here.
See? I'd show you his face, but since he's wearing some sort of burka, all you can see is that he has yellow eyes with red irises. And a rat tail. And he complains that environmentalists have no appreciation for filth. OK, so this is our second mutant who is irritated by environmentalists. I suppose the message here is that people who pollute are less then human or something.
He then yells at his henchmen, who are also mutants. One of them has grey skin, both have these flat-topped hair styles, mutton-chop beards, pointy ears, and buck teeth. Must be a seperate race. If they turn out to have tails, then they're probably part of Ratman's race.
Sure enough, when they drill upwards into the coal factory and start hopping out of the drill tanks, they do, in fact, have rat tails. So in whatever the hell alternate dimension this is, there's a secret underground race of rat-men who run around breaking into coal factorys.
Wow, I think I'm starting to see what people meant when they said this cartoon was ridiculous.
Also, the lead Ratman in the red burka is named 'Verminus Scum'. He probably has a list of family and self-esteem issues longer then yer arm.
Soon the coal factory is up and running, and apparantly it consists of loading up a large amount of coal onto conveyer belts to dump it into furnaces. I'm not entirely sure what this is supposed to accomplish.
A new Ratman comes in with what Verminus Scum pronounces to be a 'SPECIAL RAIN MAKING CHEMICAL'. Which makes me wonder, are there any specific chemicals that make rain that come into fluid format?
The Ratmen dump the fluid chemical stuff onto the conveyer belt with the coal. Vermy expositions that when the chemical turns into rain, the coal smoke will make it turn into acid rain. Now why would Vermy and the Ratmen want this? I propose two theories:
1. In whatever crazy alternate dimension this is, people get mutated by pollutants. Vermy and his henchmen were a bunch of men at a military outpost that got hit by the acid rain, which mutated them into an entirely different species. Unfortunately for them, since we've seen not Ratwomen so far we can only assume that there weren't any at the outpost. The Ratmen are now trying to create more acid rain in the hopes it will mutate some Ratwomen. This is because the Ratmen's ding-dongs are incompatible with human women's tallula hulas, and the Ratmen will be damned if they're going to spend the rest of their life without doing the straight oingo-boingo.
Or theory number two:
2. They're evil damnit. Shut up.
We then zoom over to Hope Island, where the Planeteers are competing to finish a basic training course they assembled out of bamboo in their spare time because Gaia won't transport them back home to their Playstations. Loser has to jump into an oil spill.
Matee, while hopping through a bunch of tires (Don't ask) complains that these obstacles are not easy for little people. And by that I don't mean midgets, I mean short people.
You know what? I'll just shut up about short people that aren't midgets.
Anyway, so the Planeteers are exercising on what certainly isn't playground equipment. As part of the exercise, they all have to climb this wall.
No, I don't see anything odd about my reluctance to show pictures of the coal factory or interesting stuff while showing pictures of bamboo playground equipment.
So Gi's winning against Kwamee (Kwamee is the black guy, Gi's the Asian girl) but Kwamee can't have that because it would be too hurtful to his manliness. So he cheats and uses his Earth powers to cause a minor quake (Killing lots of small fish in the nearby bay, but shush) causing Gi to fall off and allowing Kwamee to neatly catch her.
He totally planned this ahead of time. And she's totally trying to resist the urge to b***h-slap him.
OK, she doesn't b***h-slap him, she just laughs it off, pokes his nose, and races him up the fence. She wins, much to Kwamee's ever-lasting shame.
Wheeler is inspired enough by this to ask Linka if she'll need help. Unfortunately for Wheeler's libido, he gets rejected for calling her 'Rootskee-Tootskee' whatever the hell that means. They run off, followed by Matee looking after them like a little lost puppy.
Aww, poor widdle Matee wants a wuv interest too. Anyway. He jumps across the mud pit in front of the wall that I conveniently forgot to mention earlier, wobbles, doesn't fall, and then starts climbing up the wall, lamenting in his best 'little kid' voice that he's not very big.
Then, just as he's about to reach over he falls off into the mud pit, throughly demasculated. Picture the above picture, only muddier.
The other Planeteers, who were all 'You go Matee!' earlier, now start laughing their asses off at Matee's expense, because a mud-covered sad-faced Matee is apparantly the funniest thing they've ever seen. Gi comments that with a cherry on top and some whipped cream he'd look just like a hot fudge sundae.
I dunno, I think he'd look more like a muddy little kid who got into the whipped cream, but that's just me.
Along comes Gaia, who doesn't have a physical form right now for some reason.
If you pay attention, you'll notice Gaia's image is still bigger then her physical form, although it's not as noticable as it is with her zOMG GIANT GAIA HEAD WTF ARGH form. She tells them to get to the crystal chamber, whatever that is, because there's another emergancy.
The Planeteers take this calmly, and Linka offers to help Matee out of the pit. Whereupon he blubbers that everybody always has to help him because he's small.
Um, let's see, in the two episodes we've been watching, when has Matee ever needed help due to his size? Heck, even now Linka's more offering to help him out of the mud puddle out of manners, not because he'd be incapable of climbing out. I suppose all this height stuff must happen off-screen during the adventures where they help save the planet from normal people instead of evil 2-D mutants.
So Matee's all "Wah, I'm such a load!" and runs away all emo. Kwamee says, "Matee must feel like he fail." (Look, it's what I heard!) Gi, you think? Actually Gi thinks they shouldn't have laughed at him.
So later they all arrive at the Crytsal Chamber, which turns out to be some sort of main building. Gaia shows them pictures of Vermy. Remember the Ratmen we saw earlier? Well neither do I, but this guy's their leader.
It's a pity they couldn't get any mugshots of him without the burka. Wheeler feels compelled to say, "He's an exterminators nightmare!". Yeah, I'd imagine an exterminator would consider a dream involving a humanoid sentient Ratman just a bit freaky.
Gaia also gives us a bit on his backstory, which is that he were raised in toxic waste. OK, so that elimantes the 'mutated soldiers' theory. I dunno, maybe a bunch of unwanted baby boys were dumped into a sewer, mutated, grew up, and then made a plan to mutate some Ratwomen.
Gaia continues on to inform us of their burning coal and acid rain making plans. Kwamee gets the picture, and suggests that maybe they ought to stop them? Duh.
So they're off flying in their Planet-Plane, a few minutes from the factory, and Matee takes the time to mentally b***h about how he's so troublesome because he's small. Where the hell is this height complex from anyway?
So when they finally land, Matee refuses to go with them because he'd be absolutely no help. Um, last time round all the Planeteers, including the 'big kids' were pretty much only there to summon Captain Planet and clean him off. Since that would probably be the best strategy here as well (Five somewhat more athletic then average kids still cannot win against an entire military outpost's worth of trained mutant soliders) they'll still need Matee in order to summon Captain Planet, right?
Nope, Matee still wants to continue on with his emo bullcrap. Bah, this is probably him just looking for an excuse for a break or something.
Anyway, he eventually just tells Wheeler to go away. Everybody is understandably confused. Maybe these issues started from back home? What the hell is Matee's home life like anyway? For that matter, where are everybody's familys?
Well, they give up and start coming up with plans, while back in the coal factory Vermy continues with his evil plans and cheering on the troops.
I wonder if he's moved from that spot since we last saw him?
Suddenly there's an Earthquake! Which is, of course, provided by yours truly, Kwamee. Earthquakes are also useful for cheating at races and catching chicks. No, of course I'm still not annoyed over that!
So Vermy bursts outside along with two armed guards and asks them who the hell they are. "We're the Planeteers. And you're a freak. And we'll stop you!" Wheeler says. And Vermy just says, "Indeed." In what's actually an oddly threatning voice.
Hey, I think that the Ratperson to Vermy's left (Our right) might possibly be female. Or maybe they're just sporting long hair. I dunno. Vermy's troops attempt to spray the Planeteers with some sort of toxic waste, but the Planeteer's dodge so they just end up melting some old metal machinary across from them. Wheeler disintigrates some more of the toxic waste that gets sprayed towards them, but sadly it ends up turning into more of the acid rainclouds. But at least they didn't die.
So Gi, Kwamee, and Wheeler all run off pursued by Vermy's guards while Linka takes advantage of the distraction to run inside to stop the coal operation. Because surely Vermy couldn't possibly have left some guards out or anything, right?!
-Part two coming later-
<3
