As a writing exercise, I took a chapter from a fic I thought was interesting and rewrote it. The fic in question is Meeting Naruto. It's not the ultimate fanfic (in fact, I'm not much of a fan of the "extremely abused Naruto" scenario), but it does have some very sweet moments between Naruto and his father.
Here's my take on the first chapter:
- Night was about to fall on the woods surrounding Konoha, when a panting little blond boy came crashing through the foliage at breakneck speed. The three lines adorning each of his cheeks might have been mistaken for scratches made by low-hanging branches, if not for the fact that this boy was Naruto and everyone in Konoha knew that he was the container of the demon fox Kyuubi. Still, his arms and legs were full of tiny cuts acquired during his frenzied rush, but he paid the injuries no heed: he dared not stop.
Eventually, he came upon a particularly thick bush and, in his haste, he failed to see the protruding root behind it. Naruto tripped and was sent headfirst to the ground. Rocks and twigs aggravated his wounds as he skidded for a few meters across the dirt. Too terrified to stop and think, the seven-year-old immediately scrambled to his knees and huddled behind the closest tree. He bunched up his knees and hid his face in his legs, making himself as small as possible in hopes that whoever might be chasing him would miss him.
After a few seconds, his heartbeat slowed down enough that it wasn’t pounding against his ears and it was gradually replaced by the sounds of the woodlands. The night insects were waking and the leaves were rustling under a gentle late-spring breeze, but other than that, there were no other noises to be heard.
Naruto was all alone.
The tension keeping his muscles tight and occupying the focus of his mind left him all of a sudden and he sagged against his hiding place. There was no relief to be had, though, as the emotions that he had been running from finally caught up as well.
The trembling started at his bony shoulders and spread down his arms. Naruto bundled up into a tighter ball as the sound of soft crying joined the night songs. Then his dirty blond head came up and, with a mighty sniffle, it was silenced. The seven-year-old wiped his nose on his ripped up sleeve and took a deep breath to calm himself.
It was useless to cry. No one would hear him or come over to rub his shoulders as he had seen other kids’ parents do. Naruto did not have parents, never had - he was an orphan and, as such, he was on his own.
“I don’t need them,” he told himself aloud, feeling the beginnings of defiant anger replace the fear. “I don’t need anyone!”
“Is that so?” he heard a strange voice unexpectedly ask from close by. Naruto jumped up and turned around to face the source.
The man was crouching just next to him, but Naruto had not heard him approach. His spiky blond hair fell in two long bangs that framed his face and his fringe stopped just short of a pair of light blue eyes with tinges of gold from the setting sun. He was smiling softly, but his eyebrows were slightly furrowed. His face was familiar, but at the same time, Naruto was sure that he had never seen the man before.
“What are you doing out here, kid?”
Surprised by the stranger’s arrival, Naruto did not answer at once. At first he was just trying to figure out who the man was, but then he started to wonder if he was one of the villagers who had pursued him and his tongue was further tied by dread. The insults were sure to come soon, the young blond imagined.
“Hey, don’t be scared,” the older man said when he noticed that Naruto was trying to get his legs under him in preparation to run away. He reached out with a hand to soothe the boy, but Naruto misinterpreted the gesture and backed away.
Meanwhile, the young boy was trying to guess how far away he would be able to get if he started running before exhaustion dropped him or the other man’s longer legs caught him. Not for the first time, Naruto wished that his acceptance at the Ninja Academy had not been delayed by a year. He would have at least known something about how to fight by now.
“Please... I’ll go back, I promise,” Naruto offered, when he realised that his rough estimations weren’t painting a very bright picture for him. He hated to show weakness, but, for the sake of self-preservation, he even let a few more tears escape. It was a tactic he had seen the other kids use all the time, but that had never really worked for him. Maybe this stranger would fall for it.
“Don’t cry,” the stranger urged. Naruto was glad to see that the older blond was nervous rather than antagonised by his presence. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Really?” Naruto asked, as he sniffled again to stop his tears.
“Yeah. Well, now that that’s cleared, do you mind telling me where you’re from?” he asked and his soothing baritone voice did wonders to calm Naruto.
“Konoha.”
“You’re a long way from home, kid.” The man’s gaze had suddenly become searching and Naruto found himself self-consciously lowering his face and hiding his gashed arms behind his back. He wished he had better clothes too and that he wasn’t covered in dirt. Was the man looking for a reason to reject him like everyone else?
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been to Konoha,” the unknown blond continued, “but how about I heal your wounds and then take you back there?”
The show of concern touched Naruto, who had never had anyone do that for him before. All suspicions and fears fled his mind and his mouth nearly fell open in appreciation of the kindness being bestowed upon him. Nodding excitedly, he presented him arms to the stranger before him and returned the older man’s soft smile with one of his own.
For his part, the stranger was examining the multitude of small gashes covering Naruto’s arms – or rather, the rapidly disappearing lines of red that remained after the wounds had unnaturally closed due to the Kyuubi’s chakra. He brought out a canteen from his pack and washed away the blood and grime covering the boy’s limbs instead.
Naruto was marvelled to see his arms and legs had been completely healed by the time the stranger put his canteen away, and convinced himself that the man must have used some sort of magical water to cure him. Either that or he had used a really cool ninja technique.
“There,” the stranger announced cheerfully, contagiated by the boy’s amazement. “You’re all set. Let’s get you back home then.”
“Right!” Naruto chirped and followed the man as he picked a path through the thick woods. The journey took longer than the one Naruto had made in his mad run, but it seemed to the seven-year-old that it went by much quicker.
He examined everything about the man that he could see and decided there and then that this was the coolest person he had ever known. He didn’t dress like a ninja and his clothes weren’t in much better condition than Naruto’s, but there was something about the way he walked with light, efficient movements that made the boy think that this was the perfect way to move. The huge scroll tied to the worn pack also contributed to the fantasy and Naruto wondered what mysteries lay within it. The stranger’s brown boots moved without making a disturbance and Naruto entertained himself by continuously memorising the spots where his companion’s feet had tread and step on them exactly.
When he noticed that night had begun to set in earnest, the older blond turned back to Naruto and asked, “maybe we should hurry. You must have quite a few people worried about you already.”
Deep into his game, Naruto did not bother looking up when he replied.
“Not really. I don’t have anyone waiting for me.”
“What are you talking about? There has to be someone who cares, like your caretakers. Even if the reason you ran away was because you had a fight with them, that doesn’t mean they don’t care.”
Naruto suddenly stopped in his tracks, eyes lowered and fixed on the spot where his feet should step next. He didn’t say anything until he saw the feet before him stop and turn towards him.
“There’s no one,” he deadpanned and carried on dutifully with his game.
The older blond was taken aback by Naruto’s conviction and wondered what exactly might be behind it. It was a long moment before he pulled himself back together and started walking in the direction of Konoha again. If the seven-year-old had bothered to look up then, he would have seen the strange expression on his face and been puzzled by the concern once again being shown to him - the concern and the all too knowing way he was being regarded.
They didn’t speak further, and when the high walls of the Hidden Leaf village became visible in the distance, the older man stopped. He could faintly see the contours of the four heads of the Hokages carved on the rock wall the village was nestled against. He allowed himself a nostalgic sigh as he thought that, under the light of the stars and moon, the last one looked even more different than it usually did from the person it was supposed to represent.
Naruto only saw that he had run out of stepping places and it wasn't until he looked up to question why the other had stopped that he realised that his home village was spread out before him. The sprinkle of warm, yellow lights coming from inside the houses only served to remind him of how empty and dark his own apartment would be once he got there.
“Well, this as far as I go, kid. But don’t worry, there are ninja patrolling the woods here so you’ll be perfectly safe until you reach the gate,” Naruto’s companion said, breaking his sad reverie. “Just stay on the road, okay?”
The stranger smiled and ruffled the seven-year-old’s spiky hair. Meanwhile, Naruto was wondering if he should ask the kind man to go with him right up to his house so he wouldn’t have to face the solitude of his apartment on his own. Also, it would be great if his companion could keep any wandering villagers from messing with him again along the way.
“Can’t you come?” he asked, unsure.
“I’m sorry, Naruto, I can’t. But you’ll be fine.”
“Okay,” he replied, having already expected the negative answer but still wishing that the man had agreed. “Goodbye, then.”
Naruto set out for the village, this time choosing his own footholds and trying hard not to look back. Years of experience of being stared at by unhappy villagers had helped him develop a sense of when he was being watched, and right now he could feel the older blond’s eyes boring into his back. It was the first time such a feeling brought the little seven-year-old comfort.
Naruto had known him for a short time only, but he already knew that he was going to deeply miss the mysterious stranger who had been kind to him.
It was only once he’d shut his apartment door behind him that he had the fleeting realisation that the stranger had known his name when it hadn’t been given.
