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April 18--9:06pm

Hey everyone sry I havent added anything for a while lol 3nodding
but yea a lot has happened since the last time I added lol. But Ohio was fun and I had a REALLY long and HARD time finding my eggs (Easter)...NO EASTER EGG HUNT SHOULD BE THAT!! HARD!! scream

But yea when we came home in New york. and we got our bathroom change really cool now lol xd
I..felt strange though... confused
cause when I was back...I just felt like I had my own Mask on to fool everyone before....not like in Ohio were I can be weird (either was still same lol) and stuff...cause to be honest..b4 Soo came into our lives I was scared of doing something to make Daddy or someone hate me and thats why SOMETIMES I would go too far and annoy everyone... sad

CRAP! grrr....lol this is pathetic...Im making myself cry from what im typing stressed ...It would be bad if someone I knew like my dad saw this..cause then he would be asking if this is about Soo or the marriage or maybe if we move somewhere...and it gets me really upset even though I won't show if and say random crap. because it makes me think a lot since im not REALLY the type to put my feelings first but others...(most of the time like only with my family) like when I was going through counseling... I never tried to be strong for myself but for everyone else so I wouldn't make them upset and even MORE sad....though I was younger...I felt like...I grew older and more mature too quick and all this stuff happening at one time was eating me up. crying
crap...again...I never cried when our bird died weeks ago( britt and the boys did) and not when we left Ohio...this must mean I have more feelings when I write it down or on paper (idk) but I felt like it was something I HAD to do...and I didnt want to cause anyone trouble in my family...and sometimes..it really hurts...even to today...I dont want daddy to see this....not this journal... crying

.....not this one...