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You know...
Sometimes I wonder if i'm too much, I mean...my personality.
I am so mixed up, I can be mature at times, really outgoing, very weird/creepy, a joker, a pervert. I'm all of that and sometimes many of them at one time.
I'm so NOT normal, I'm often stared at and the things I do and the actions I carry out are often considered "Strange" by some of the people I know.
Often I am told that i'm 'So much', 'Too much', 'weird'.
I don't know, I guess i'm just not mainstream. Becuase of this guys don't like me, they never have, I have found the person who accepts me for every part of who I am and still loves me but I always remember guys thinking I was just INSANE, I was pretty much one of them, sometimes even an outcast among them becuase i'm SO MUCH.
Often times i'm in the exact opposite mood as someone else and i can really ******** up by being ME. I can be so loud and obnoxious, I can be really mean to the people I don't like, I can get up in large crowds and announce something, I express all my opinions verbally...everyone in my school knows me, hell, everyone in this whole area of the city knows me, i'm that out there.
I laugh too much, I cry too much, i make too many jokes and i'm too outgoing and outrageous. People just can't handle all that is me. I'm so much and sometimes I wish I wasn't..I wish I was just some mild teenage girl who quietly did her work and didn't sing at the top of her lungs while alone in her room. Sometimes I wish I was the girl who looked cute in a pony tail and wasn't so angry and verbal, sometimes I wish I was a girl who didn't have the divorced parents at the age of four, the event that screwed up her life and made her the social outcast in earlier grades, made her not pay attention or care in class, and now is barley passing becuase she doesn't know the basics.
Sometimes I wish I was someone different.
PS, I used to run out of classrooms screaming at the teacher that he or she treated us like dirt, I would hurt my self when i was younger,I would draw in class and hide in the change rooms when things weren't going my way. I was one messed up kid...guess it hasn't changed much.
 Guilt-na Doll · Sun Mar 01, 2009 @ 07:55am · 0 Comments |
