[c]Mo0n-cHan:: OMG YOU GUYS!! The amount of reviews I got last time made me incredibly happy, I can’t even begin to explain. I’d really like to sit here and individually thank each one of you, but instead I’ll make sure the next chapter comes out extra fast, and with extra drama/lemons/fluff etc. Stay tuned to discover how Sasuke feels about not being a father, and whether they’ll formally get back together as a couple or not! I love you all :3)
Chapter Four
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I was sitting on the lid of the toilet seat, frustrated beyond belief, while Sasuke showed me the range of birth control kits he’d bought earlier, calmly explaining how each worked.
Why was he being so difficult?
“Sasuke-,” I began, hating how whiny my voice sounded.
He looked over at me, suddenly very serious. “Don’t even think about it, Sakura.”
“But it would solve our problem!”
He was sitting on the rim of the bathtub, but now he stood up to tower over me even more. “That’s not the kind of solution I want.”
Was that anger in his voice?
“What about what I want? I’m not ready to be a mother!”
“We don’t know if you’re pregnant yet.”
“That’s why I should just take the morning-after pill and forget this entire situation.”
Sasuke didn’t look pleased. “You would kill our unborn child?”
He was being stubborn.
Stubborn and unfair, trying to guilt trip me into doing things his way.
Who would have thought Uchiha Sasuke, heartless b*****d and one time infamous playboy, would be so...- so eager, to become a father?
With a huff, I grabbed the first box from him. “Fine, I’ll do the stupid thing.”
He smirked a little, obviously satisfied.
“But Sasuke?”
An eyebrow was cocked in question.
“Some privacy would be nice.”
“I’ve seen you naked before-,” he began, but I cut him off.
“I’m not peeing on a stick with you sitting there!”
That did the trick; without much ado he left, but not before telling me he was going out onto the balcony for a smoke. I shut the door after him, and took a deep breath.
I could do this.
Pulling my panties down quickly, I took a seat on the toilet and re-read the instructions. This seemed simple enough: pee on the stick, then a waiting period of five minutes, followed by the results. Green line meant I was pregnant, and red meant I wasn’t.
Of course peeing on a stick isn’t the most glamorous way a girl could spend a Saturday afternoon, yet somehow I did it. Then I placed the little stick on the countertop above the sink, and thoroughly washed my hands.
The entire time my thoughts were running rampant.
A baby.
A little boy or girl of my own- of our own.
I placed a hand on my flat stomach, biting my lower lip in worry.
We weren’t ready for this. Sasuke and I are far from ideal parents. He’s so quiet and reserved, and I’m the complete opposite, which is why we fight half the time. The other half is spent in bed, making up for the hurtful things that were said in anger. Or at least that’s how it used to be. Now, I’m not even sure what we are to each other.
Was I really ready to forgive him?
Did he even want to be forgiven? Did he want me back?
It wasn’t just the kiss that hurt me: it was really how easily he was able to move on. He hadn’t tried to contact me, or win be back. Instead, he’d turned into some womanizer in an open relationship. Kirin didn’t mind that he had other girls on the side, as long as she got him when she wanted him. After all, what's fidelity to a brazen whore?
I sighed and splashed some cold water onto my face.
On top of everything else, there was also the problem of my parents. They hated Sasuke because of what he’d done to me. When we first started dating, they’d been completely neutral about our relationship until they found out the two of us were having sex (this was back in high school). For some reason, this was a really big deal to them, especially to my father, who’s a conservative.
The amounts of fights I’d had with him about Sasuke were infinite. My father would say Sasuke was using me for sex, and then I’d tell him we were in love. After graduation he finally started to believe it though, because Sasuke changed universities for me. Instead of going to London like his family had planned, he’s accepted the scholarship offered him by Tokyo University.
Then things began to get better, so much so that my parents would ask me to bring Sasuke home for dinner sometimes.
But then Sasuke cheated on me, and all the hard work was wasted.
There was absolutely no way in hell my father would welcome him back.
No way.
So how was I going to explain it to them if I was pregnant?
They would hate me.
Sasuke must have heard the running water, because he walked in a second later and leaned against the wall, arms folded over his chest, watching me curiously. “Were you crying?”
I met his gaze in the reflection of the mirror above the sink. “No.”
“It looks like it.”
Grabbing one of the white towels off the rack I began slowly drying my face. “Well, I haven’t been okay?”
This was definitely one of those moments where I wished he were more in tuned with my emotions. After all, it couldn’t possibly hurt him to hold me or at least stand a little closer, could it? Couldn’t he understand how scary all this was?
Of course he couldn’t.
Nothing scared him.
Ever.
Sighing a little, I tossed the towel in the laundry basket and turned to look at him. He must’ve seen the uncertainty in my eyes because some of the hardness on his face disappeared and melted into concern. “Sasuke?”
My voice sounded stupid and weak and I hated it.
I also hated the fact that tears were prickling at the corners of my eyes and that a painful lump in my throat made it difficult to speak. For once in my life, couldn’t I be as calm and collected as he was?
He grunted in response, but I knew he was just hiding how he really felt- as usual.
“What if- what if I am pregnant?”
For a moment I thought he wouldn’t answer, but when he finally did his response had me winded, speechless with shock.
“If you’re pregnant, we get married.”
He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like he was betting on a sure thing. The very idea of a man, any man (even one that I loved), feeling obligated to marry me was more insulting that I’d ever imagined it could be.
Suddenly old insecurities came rushing up to the surface: did he think I was incapable of supporting a child on my own? Did he doubt my strength? Did he really think I’d marry him just because he happened to get me knocked up?
I couldn’t believe his nerve.
I was beyond angry, beyond furious; I was livid.
The only thing I wanted to do was throw something at him. That something turned out to be the pregnancy test. It hit his arm and bounced onto the cold linoleum floor.
Sasuke looked a little surprised at my reaction, and a feeling of triumph flared inside me. He wasn’t so aloof now was he?
“Sakura-.”
I cut him off. “No, ******** you. You’re an a*****e. I’m not going to marry you.”
“What?”
“I won’t marry you.”
“Why?”
“Because-,” I stopped, thinking of a plausible reason. I didn’t want to tell him it was because I wanted to hear he loved me. My pride just wouldn’t allow it so I settled for the nearest argument, “Because it didn’t mean anything.”
His dark eyes narrowed, and I could tell I was finally pissing him off. “What didn’t mean anything?”
“The other night. It was just sex, so there’s no reason to-.”
“Don’t be stupid-.”
“Oh right,” I said quietly, “ so now I’m stupid. Stupid and annoying- I really wonder why you put up with me. Maybe you should just leave and get home to that whore of yours. I’m sure you’d like that a little more.”
The impact these words had on him was astounding. One minute he was calm but a little annoyed with me for throwing things at him, and then the next his face went white with fury. Before I knew what was going on, he’d grabbed me by the arm and pulled so that I was crushed up against his strong chest.
“Sakura,” I could tell he was trying to control his temper, “don’t make me angry.”
I tried to pull away, but his grip was too tight. “Then stop pretending to care.”
“Stop pretending I don’t.”
“You don’t understand anything! You’re such an a*****e, so insensitive-.”
He pressed his forehead against mine, his warm breath fanning across my face. “I know. I’m sorry.”
And then before I could say anything else, he pulled back and kissed my forehead.
Then, just like that, all the fight died out of me.
I didn’t want to argue with him anymore.
I didn’t want to fight.
An apology from Sasuke was rare, so I knew he was making a real effort to calm me. It was actually almost kind of sweet. I looked up at him, feeling a little more hopeful. “Do you want children?”
He returned my gaze. “The truth?”
I nodded.
“I don’t.”
My heart fell.
Typical.
But then he lifted my chin up with a finger, and continued: “Neither do you though. I’m not sure I’d be much of a family man, but I’m sure of two things. The first is that you’d be a great mother, and the second is that I can’t think of anyone I’d rather start a family with.”
I smiled at him, a little weakly. “That’s sweet.”
He kissed my cheek, but said nothing in response.
“Do you know what you’d like?” I asked, after a short silence.
Sasuke raised an eyebrow in question.
I offered clarification. “Boy or girl?”
He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”
“I want a girl- oh, but what if we have twins? I’d buy them matching outfits, and they’d be able to play together-.” Slowly, my earlier feelings of apprehensions began to melt away. I wasn’t sure of much, but I knew Sasuke would stick around for the bad times as well as the good, and for the time being that would have to be enough.
It was enough.
“My parents are going to kill you,” I told him softly, leaning my head against his chest. He smelt good: like fresh laundry and a little cologne.
“I don’t care,” came the gruff response. He was quiet for a moment, then said: “Tell me why you won’t marry me? The real reason.”
I looked up at him. “Because we aren’t in love…are we?”
I wanted validation, I wanted him to hold me tight and tell me that I was wrong, that he did love me; I wanted him to confess I held a permanent position in his heart, and yet he gave me none of those things. Instead he glanced at me in a very odd way, shrugged, and turned around to pick up the pregnancy test.
His back was turned to me, and for a moment he was silent. When he finally spoke though, his voice held it’s usual cold, disinterested tone. “Che, it makes no difference. You’re not pregnant.”
Then, he walked out on me.
--
I stood staring after him, feeling like someone had attempted to rip my heart right out of my chest. It was hard to speak; hard to think.
I wasn’t pregnant.
There would be no baby, no wedding, and no exchange of vows- nothing.
Nothing at all.
Sasuke didn’t love me. He barely even cared. If he did, wouldn’t he have stayed with me? Didn’t he realize how difficult this was?
I’d never felt such bitter disappointment before in my life. It was silly to think that a little part of me had been dying to be Mrs. Uchiha Sasuke, to live with him, sleep with him, share a lifetime with him. I’d been afraid but he could make me forget that, just like he did earlier.
After all, he meant everything to me. Everything.
Suddenly I came to a decision.
I was sick and tired of being afraid.
I was sick and tired of hiding my true emotions.
It was time I let him know how I truly felt.
So, I did the only thing that there was left to do: I went after him.
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