i feel like crap. i've done nothing but cry all day and worry about whats going to happen in a couple of days. i'm not hungry, not eating... i just can't when i eat i feel sick and i throw up. i'm upset. i can't think strait and when i try something reminds me of something else. there's love everywhere and its supposed to be a happy day but i'm not happy. i'm going to bed at 5 in the evening because i just can't stay up anymore if i sleep i forget and that is alot easier. i'm crying... i don't know what to do. my heart is being torn in two and i just want to tear it out. if it's torn out maybe it won't hurt as much. but then we have the other problem. i'm still needed by people. if i were to kill myself others would do the same. i can't do anything i want to do. to many people depend on me i have to do what is best for them and forget about myself. GOD DAMNIT!! i wanna hurt something, hit something but i can't, i feel caged. i feel like a lion in a cage to small. i want out. i want out but what's out there. is it safer to stay inside the cage? let me out. it will hurt but i have to have out. i'm crying again... make these tears stop. they make my head hurt and my mom worry. i think i'm going insane and i have no idea what to do. i just want to run. run till i can't run anymore. run until the ground beneath me is no more. i want out... but i don't. it's comfrotable and safe but i need more. i feel filthy...like i shouldn't want more. like i should just cherish what i have, but what i have isn't real. i've been pretending for 6 months, i can't take it anymore. i think it's time for the cage to be opened. but it will hurt. more then anything i have ever felt before. god help me... i'm going to need strength to get through this. god help me... i'm crying again.
Countess Saiku Community Member 
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