If u knew what i've been through u'd know why i say love is blind...but im not explaining that...i came back after a long grounding for the reasons of David and myself...i broke up with the one guy i ever loved...it's broken my heart terribly and everytime i start to feel just slightly better its ripped again...i cant even try getting over him...he's stuck to my heart...i can't stop thinking about him...i hate myself for who i am....he prolly never loved me...i wouldn't blame him, no one would ever love some one like me....but...i don't regret being with him....he's the best guy i could have ever known even though he lives in cali..miles away from me..but i guess im happy he's happy with somone better then me...i know she's better...she has to be...and if she's not he wont have the burdern on me and he can find some one else...besides the thought of him hurting killed me...so it's a bit of relief...i guess......i've tried suicide 3 times different ways...first time i chikend out..the 2 it didn't work and the 3rd...i just couldn't do it...i almost did tho...but it wasn't going to work anyway....i dun think im obsessed with john...even tho it looks like it it's just im so depressed and he's the only thing that made me happy...i don't want him feeling that he owes me something or he needs to rescue me cuz this is just how i am...i won't ever die unless god says so....hofully the pain with go away...it does when i bleed it out....or make a new pain...maby this pain with num over like a scab as the other pains have...i bet it'll be a scar...i wont ever dare to let love blind me again....but it's so tricky...i just might give in to it again....john loves her....she loves him..so she says..i'll leave them be...ugh i can't even put this s**t on private...dam assholes.......i'll put this somone where else l8er when i find a site...god help me......
 BunnXiLove · Mon Feb 02, 2009 @ 02:54am · 0 Comments |
