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I think... I'm gonna be okay |
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I've been scarred by so many people so many times. I've been back stabbed, lied to, deceived, been insulted to my face and behind my back; I've been betrayed by people I thought loved me and who I thought I loved, put off for things much more less significant and had been placed second in some people's eyes. Not that it really effects me whether I'm first or not, but if I'm replaced by some total scumbag or stuck up b***h for the most stupidest of reasons and was talked bad about at first, who was chosen over someone as sweet as me, well that hurts quite a bit. At this point, with all that happening to me either all at once, or spread out through the years, I've come to realize: I'm too good for that crap. I mean, I haven't wronged anyone or hurt anyone intentionally. So what did I really do to deserve all that? I'm a good person, I'm nice to a lot of people as best as I can be and then I get stepped on and smeared into the ground. Do I give up? Do I sit around, sulking and feeling sorry for myself? Mm, for a little while but that doesn't do me any good. I think things through, and pull myself together and find ways to getting over it. Sure, I still linger on such things, but because it hurts. And I'm trying not to talk or rest on it so much. I try to move on and be happy in my life. It's just hard to do it alone mostly. At first I thought Matt would be there for me because he understood me, at least I believed at first. Then all of a sudden, he makes me wait a whole week, not saying one word if any, making me worried, then drops me stone cold hard. He'd rather be with some 21 girl who's boyfriend is in jail and has a kid. He told me he's not into that dumb s**t; that he doesn't want to be there for her and have her b***h at him for how much of a loser her boyfriend is. Well hell, and I posted blogs about people I resent: my ex and a couple guys I dated, and I go to him with a few problems. Well, in like 2 months, or not even that; less, he decides it's too much for him and he drops me and finds to be closer to that stuck up little c***. Yea, I said it.
I'm sorry if I'm seeming negative, and I shouldn't be posting this all over the net, but hell, I just have to tell someone, anyone about this so they can understand where I'm coming from and why I am who I am now. Perhaps any of you can relate to this situation. I don't want or need pity, just for people to nod and say, "Yup, it's happened to me. I know what it's like." and not look down upon me for being the bad girl here, when really, I've been a victim in people's cruel games way too many times.
I figured that I'll be going back to Cali here anyways pretty soon. I don't know so much about going into the AF. I'm tired of getting my hopes up and planning ahead in life. Doesn't do much. I'm just gonna go with the flow. I'll have some nice thoughts that I want to come true, but we'll see what will happen.
 x Dark Moon Starsong x · Sun Jan 25, 2009 @ 11:37pm · 0 Comments |
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