ive been thinking a lot about life, and the meaning of it, and ive had these dreams... mostly nightmares, and i was wondering....
if i died would you be sad, or would i be just another girl you use to know
if i was the one that killed myself, would you be mad at me
if i mutilated myself before killing myself, would you be sickened
if i told you that i wanted to kill myself, would you be scared for me, or would you not care
if i told you that i was going to kill myself, would you do anything about it
what if i did kill myself, and you knew before hand, would you feel guilty for not stopping me, or write it off as there was nothing you can do
if i do kill myself, will you cry, will you shed a single tear at all for me?
if i told you that im going to kill myself, but need help, would you help me
if i told you that i wanted to die, would you think i was crazy
if i told you that im not meant for this world, what would you say, would you tell me that i just havent found my place yet
if i told you that i already know how i want to die, that ive got it planned out, would you be scared, would you tell anyone
if i wasnt able to kill myself and you knew i tryed, what would you say
what would you do
what would you think of me
would i be a coward?
would i be a freak?
what am i
why am i here
why cant i accept life as it was given to me
why cant i be accepted as i am
why must i ask these questions
why am i so confussed
am i a freak for this?
am i weird
is it odd that i think of suicide like i think of walking the dog
is it odd that i even think of suicide
is it odd that when i enter a building for the first time, i look around, and i see objects and i think of how i could use that to kill myself
do i need to be locked up
am i crazy
isnt that my name
the CRAZY teehee girl
teehee is just a lable, it might as well be another brick in the wall
girl
thats just what i am
a girl
thats all ill be
isnt it
its true
i know it
i wont live long enough to be an adult
ill always be a girl
why is that
why do i think like that
right there
how is it that i know that a girl is all ill be
why is it that any guy i ever like is always ******** taken
why is it that i will never have love cause the guy i love i cant have
why cant i be satified with what i can get
why cant i be normal
id kill to be normal
yet you my 'friends' or so i call you
you think your not normal
i bet you grew up normal though
i didnt
i sure as hell didnt
i never had a shot
it was taken from me the day a teenage GIRL i now call mom got knocked up by my father
why couldnt i have a dull life
why is it that i feel these things
am i the only one
or am i the only one to say anything
please, anyone feeling my pain/confussion please, tell me im not alone, i hate being alone, ive spent my whole life alone
i dont want to be alone anymore
i dont want to be a freak....
is anyone out there even a bit like me
or am i alone
a freak
a weirdo
a nobody
am i just that girl
who you see
yet can never understand
i hope im not alone
it gets so.....very.....lonely
being alone
with nobody
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me, and my life
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