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November 24, 2008 - Monday
Why did I do it? I know I wanted to.
Category: Life
Time- 5:09AM
So I have this problem, and my friends haven't really helped me out with any advice, I know whats right, but I can't face the truth. I can't seem to bring up any recollection of me thinking straight. I am so confused and I wish I knew if it was wrong of me for kissing him or right of me? The guy I have too much feelings for is going out with one of my great friends but I don't know why I made the same damn mistake again. U'd think I would of listened to my conscience???
NOPE!!!!
I was ******** stupid and I went with the flow. I wont say everything that I did and I wont give out anyone's name because I care about them.
All I am going to say is if you happened to still love your friend's boyfriend but you've known him longer and had a relationship with them before the (friend) even came into the picture and your lover said they still love you too what would you do?
I can't hold back my feelings for him any longer, and I want him so bad, but me and him are put into a SERIOUS situation.
I am really confused. I do not want to believe anyone could ever love a horrible person as me. The guy told me he loved me a long time ago but he was going through too much s**t to think straight. I cried in his arms last night ( I don't know if he knew I was crying cause it was dark) and asked him if he was lying to me or if he really ment it.
Surprising to me he said, he ment it and still loves me. I didn't want to leave him but I had to go home. I wanted to stay in his arms forever and feel his chest against mine, just to hear him breathing, hear his heart beat, have him never let go of me. I want all these things and I am burdened to take it to my grave.
Is it so wrong to love?
Why is it everyone I fall in love with I can never have?
Does loving someone who is taken a sin?
I don't believe this makes me a bad person, and I don't believe this is a stupid thought, loving him. I only wish that I never did anything to mess up back in middle school with him. I think back to my childish ways of thinking and remember that I could of done something to get him back, but I let it pass like the stupid kid I was. I remember walking past his house wishing that he belonged to me. My friends don't approve of my love, but I have this to say to them....
Would you do anything for me? If you will then you would approve.
Do you care for my feelings? If you do then you would let me love him, and not fight with me about how much you despise him.
I don't know who to turn to anymore, and I find myself even more confused with having no one to trust. There hasn't been one moment since I was with him that I wasn't thinking about him. I found myself having a dream about sneaking out from my house at 2 in the morning to see him and falling asleep right next to him in his bed. Waking up the next morning to find myself staring up at my ceiling, in my room, in my bed, without him.
Call me a b***h, call me obsessive, call me jealous, or hopeless, call me anything you want because I can't even imagine my life without meeting him. Even if he marrys her in the future, or any other girl, or whatever I just want him happy, I want him to be with someone he loves, even if it kills me. But I know if I could have him back I wouldnt hesitate, I wouldnt ever dream of hurting him, and I would love him through the end of my days.
So say what you want, tell me how much of a failure I am in love and in life, because whatever name you call me, whatever label you give me I know who I am and nothing you say or do could ever effect me.
 Waipahe_Puuwai · Mon Jan 05, 2009 @ 12:45am · 0 Comments |
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