Seme’s Handbook
Cleverly written by the heads at Dangerous Pleasure Scanlations. Go support them now.
Mature content ahead.
Mature content ahead.
- ##1: If you can’t make your uke come just by licking his a**, you suck in bed.
##2: The number of dildos that any average seme owns(for his uke) would put any sex shop to shame.
##3: The car you own is a BMW, Mercedes, Porsche, or any other extra expensive make. Also, a seme’s car will defy the laws of physics by being larger inside than on the outside to allow for comfortable uke-smexing.
##4: Regardless of what kind of seme you are, you love to talk dirty during sex.
##5: Semes don’t eat cake. Ever.
##6: Semes will hardly ever have sex completely naked. That’s a uke thing.
##7: Rape = love. The more you love your uke, the more right you have to rape him.
##8: The cure for rape = more rape. If another seme kissed, touched, or looked at your uke, get rid of his mark by replacing it with your own.
##9: You can forgive your uke for anything. It will either lead to sex(of the make-up variety) or more sex(as punishment). Either way, you win.
##10: No matter how much your uke struggles, you can always tie your uke in a compromising position in five seconds flat. If this was a contest, you’d win first place hands down(or tied).
##11: It doesn’t matter if your uke is dumb as a doorknob and irritating as hell, you still love him because… you’re a seme and that’s what semes do.
##12: If you are foreign, you consider Japanese men cute and cuddly and will go to extreme lengths to turn them into your uke. This is especially true of American CEOS, exchange students, Middle Eastern princes, French patissiers, Chinese mafia hungs, Italian captains, and English noblemen with funny names.
##13: Smexing your uke with his glasses on is the ultimate goal. If the uke takes off his glasses before/while you smex him, you have failed.
##14: You can’t afford to smex your uke with glasses on because if that happens, you can’t be sure if the uke loves you or the glasses.
##15: Ukes ooze pheromones. Chances are you can’t sense them; equip all possible aggressors among your underlings with gas masks just in case
##16: Semes hardly ever sweat during sex. Ukes, on the other hand, produce copious amounts of fluids of varying origins.
##17: Never let your uke do any work! It’s the ukes job to lie on the bed, it’s YOUR job to make him feel good all night.(if your uke hasn’t come at least five times, you’re doing it wrong.)
##18: Everybody is out to rape your uke. You’ve got to protect his chastity by guarding him day and night!
##19: SAS – Semes Always Swallow. Spitting out semen is for wusses.
##20: You don’t have to think too hard for the perfect birthday present for your uke – just do him eight times in a row. On the other hand, the only acceptable present for you is your uke wearing an apron and nothing else.
##21: Selective hearing is a necessary trait in a seme. When your uke says, “no,” what you hear is, “Please ignore my tears, resisting, and all that jazz because, really, I want you to continue.”
##22: It’s perfectly normal to be able to pin a grown man to a wall using only one hand to grip his wrists.
##23: After sex, you always wear the pajama pants. Your uke will wear the shirt lest he wishes to tempt you again with his perky, pink nipples.
##24: Want to know the meaning behind your ukes words? Use your handy Uke-tionary.
No, I don’t want this = ******** me.
Stop it! = ******** me.
I need to sleep = ******** me.
What’s for dinner? = ******** me.
##25: A seme must have different colored hair to his uke.
##26: Ropes materialize out of thin air. Don’t worry about stashing ropes or ties around the house – if you’ve got your uke under you, you can just pull a rope from sub-space to tie him up.
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That concludes the “Seme’s Handbook” by the staff at Dangerous Pleasure Scanlations. They have wonderful projects and are great people. Go support them now and thank them you seme’s for this wonderful guide!
RAWR!
RAWR!
