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"30 Minutes"

Out of sight
Out of mind
Out of time
To decide

Do we run?
Should I hide?
For the rest
Of my life

Can we fly?
Do I stay?
We could lose
We could fail

In the moment
It takes
To make plans
Or mistakes

30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes,to alter our lives
30 minutes,to make up my mind
30 minutes,to finally decide

30 minutes,to whisper your name
30 minutes,to shoulder the blame
30 minutes,of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes,to finally decide

Carousels
In the sky
That we shape
With our eyes

Under shade
Silhouettes
Casting shade
Crying rain

Can we fly?
Do I stay?
We could lose
We could fail

Either way
Options change
Chances fail
Trains derail

30 minutes, a blink of an eye
30 minutes,to alter our lives
30 minutes,to make up my mind
30 minutes,to finally decide

30 minutes,to whisper your name
30 minutes,to shoulder the blame
30 minutes,of bliss, thirty lies
30 minutes,to finally decide

To decide
To decide, to decide, to decide

To decide
To decide, to decide, to decide

To decide

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iphuckboysnthasecrets: L: Sorry, computer came unplugged.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: ...again O.o

sokrotes7: ... yea

iphuckboysnthasecrets: It did!
iphuckboysnthasecrets: So anyways

sokrotes7: so u missed what i said conveniently
iphuckboysnthasecrets: Tell me. What did you say?

sokrotes7: yea well, her actions are makeing me annoyed with both of you... and really thinking twice about the whole thing

iphuckboysnthasecrets: H's actions are making you annoyed with both of us? Or is it me? Because if it's me then blah...don't think twice about it. Everybody has their off days. Your off day was yesterday, and mine is today.

sokrotes7: guess so
sokrotes7: cept u dont get to tell me how to react to your off day
sokrotes7: when im off i get quiet
sokrotes7: when ur off u are a jerk

iphuckboysnthasecrets: yeah...it's the exact opposite of what I really am, hence the reason it's called an off day. My ex got mad at me for the exact same reason.

sokrotes7: hmm maybe u should work on that

iphuckboysnthasecrets: I'm not changing who I am for the world, and I rarely ever have off days...

sokrotes7: u dont have to change at all
sokrotes7: im not tellign you to do anything

iphuckboysnthasecrets: Then what do you want me to do?

sokrotes7: whatever you want

iphuckboysnthasecrets: I don't know what I want O.o

sokrotes7: but for right now just realize you may lose a master and make you best friend loose her pet....

iphuckboysnthasecrets: I wasn't trying to...and you really shouldn't punish H for what I've done.

sokrotes7: well i will

iphuckboysnthasecrets: No...you shouldn't do that.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: Hayleigh says thanks by the way...

sokrotes7: im a jerk
sokrotes7: i tried to tell u girls but u wouldnt listen

iphuckboysnthasecrets: You're not a jerk...you just say things that you shouldn't sometimes, just like every human being in the world does.

sokrotes7: no
sokrotes7: i say what i mean

iphuckboysnthasecrets: H's not gonna say anything she'll regret in the morning.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: Okay then, so you mean it
iphuckboysnthasecrets: But do you mean it forever? Or just when you say it?

sokrotes7: for now

iphuckboysnthasecrets: Then you're not a jerk.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: Everybody says things when they're angry that they don't mean later on when things are mended and fixed, it doesn't mean you're a jerk.

sokrotes7: oh and will things get mended?

iphuckboysnthasecrets: yeah, that's how life works out, right? If the people are calm and mature about it, which I'm being right now and you're being right now, then things will eventually get fixed...sometimes it will take a long while, but things will get fixedf.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: fixed''

sokrotes7: hmmm
sokrotes7: everything will egt fixed?

iphuckboysnthasecrets: If we both try to fix it, yes...

sokrotes7: it doesnt matterwhat is said as long as you talk about it later?

iphuckboysnthasecrets: Yes.

sokrotes7: ah
sokrotes7: shall we test it?

iphuckboysnthasecrets: If you wish.

sokrotes7: your a fat not very attractive annoying girl who has nearly nothing that interests me at all because your so uptight and non sexual. All im interested in is having sex or cybering as the case may be and the more you blather about nonsense the more un interested i am, the only reason i put up with it is in hopes i can see soem tits or p***y or a**. My actual interest in you yourself is nearly nothing. And what tiny bit i had has pretty much left with this annoying little outburt this evening

iphuckboysnthasecrets: Hmm, well that is interesting, but I had already figured that you felt that way.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: H: Well scott, since you are going to be that way: You are a handsome man who i have cared for and had truely wanted you to be my pet. I dream and talk to lindsey about going down to california to meet you, and speaking of all the fun things i am going to share with you as my pet. I know when you are sad and i care about you and want to help, though at last nights display i made an a** of myself and know better not to now. If i could, right now, i would fly down there to be there for you now that your angry and try to settle you down with whatever that comes to mind. Though insulting my best friend isn't on my high list, i can not change what you have said. And have no intention of doing so. You've said what you said, and whats done is done. And with that, my pet. I am going to bed.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: I don't want to shed any more tears tonight, and i do not want to mess anything up. But i do want you to think about what you say and why you are saying it. Is it really that big of a deal? Love: Your mistress.

sokrotes7: then you are a fool
sokrotes7: i know exactly what im saying
sokrotes7: im a jerk

iphuckboysnthasecrets: L: she went to bed...and you're not a jerk.

sokrotes7: now maybe u can see why i hate myself

iphuckboysnthasecrets: You have no reason to hate yourself, as I said previously everybody says things that hurt others when they're angry...but the beautiful thing about life is that people can forgive that person for having said such things. Scott, even if you truelly meant what you said and you will even when you're not angry...I forgive you...

sokrotes7: then ur a fool too

iphuckboysnthasecrets: I suppose that I am.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: But If I'm a fool then everybody in the world is a fool.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: I know that you're really a nice guy, I've seen your nice side before and right now that's what I'm thinking of in you.

sokrotes7: just an act to get in your pants

iphuckboysnthasecrets: I highly doubt that.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: Prove it to me.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: You blocked me on MSN, why?

sokrotes7: cause

iphuckboysnthasecrets: Because you are angry with me right now?

sokrotes7: ya think?

iphuckboysnthasecrets: Yes, yes I do.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: But it's also the reason why I truelly believe that what you're saying right now you don't mean.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: You even said before you typed the insults to me "Shall we test it?"

sokrotes7: are u trying to rationalize ways to not be mad at me?
sokrotes7: or are you so dumb u cant tell when u forced me to be honest and say how i truly feel

iphuckboysnthasecrets: Me? Oh no, I'm just saying what I think is true.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: I'm not dumb in thinking that you don't mean it, I'm smart! When people are angry they say things that they don't mean for later on, you even said you do that.

sokrotes7: or there more honest

iphuckboysnthasecrets: You had to stop and think before you typed out some of it and it took you three minutes to think about what you were saying, therefore I am lead to believe that you didn't mean it. When people are truelly angry and they really mean what they're typing, they could type out something like that without even thinking about it and finish it in less then two minutes usually, not even stopping to think at all because they already have that persons flaws in mind. And when people are angry they see the persons flaws more easily and they say what they're seeing right then but later on they don't see it anymore or they don't mean it anymore so they take it back.

sokrotes7: or maybe im busy looking at porn and jerking of cause i dont care about this convo

iphuckboysnthasecrets: Sure sure, right.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: Prove it to me.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: If you didn't care about this conversation then you would already have fully ignored me or you would have blocked h's yahoo temporarily by now.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: And, as I predicted, you start ignoring me now because I said that. That would have make all of this lean more towards my you're not really meaning what you say theory.
iphuckboysnthasecrets: Because you're trying to convince me that you're really mad at me.

He said more after that...but for reasons...I did not save it. At the end of the conversation he said "Good luck telling H that you made her lose her pet." and for a while that did bother me, but then I realized that she didn't need him for her life. I shouldn't have lost any sleep over it.

Anyways Scott, I hope that by now you've come to and realized that I already knew all of the things that you said about me and it didn't bother me at all that you said them. I still don't think that you're a jerk at all because, as I said many times in the conversation, people lose their tempers sometimes and when they do that they say things that they'll later on regret and usually won't mean. Usually.

The only time that I ever considered calling you a jerk was when you went and insulted H, that was not part of our aggreement. However, I reconsidered it and took it back because that was what you wanted, wasn't it? You did everything in your power to try and convince me that you really were a jerk, but it didn't work. I forgive you Scott, and I truelly mean that. I understand the reason why you said that you didn't want us living with you, because of me. Yes, I'll admit that I was being a jerk face yesterday when I was having my off day, but everybody has one of those. Your off days are quiet and mine are me being a jerk face...it's just something that everybody gets sometimes. You become the exact opposite of what you usually are...and it's uncontrollable, it's almost as strong as the forces of love and music, almost.

I came up with a hypothesis about your emotions base on your behavior, must like a psychiatrist would do, and I came up with something really good. It seems to be true, and since humans aren't nearly as complex as other say, I will assume so.

I thought up a cycle for you yesterday, and it was really interesting! It may not be true, but it's a hypothesis, that meaning that it's just a theory. If I'm correct then good for me, if I'm not, then good for you. However, even if I am correct, you'll lie about it.

I thought that maybe you fell in love for the first time with a beautiful chick then you said something that you regretted, possibly something along those lines. She left you when you said it without a second thought and so you became a little bit more wary of love. Subconsciously, you pushed away all of the other women you were with by doing the same thing, and possibly a few of your friends. You wish to convince others that you are a jerk because you feel that you don't deserve happiness because, from what I've seen, you fling your anger around as if it's nothing. Possibly you lost many friends because of your anger and you grew up thinking that you don't deserve happiness, or it could just have to do with your relationships, who really knows. Anyways, I believe that because you feel that you're a bad person who is just a jerk and doesn't deserve happiness, you purposefully try to push away the good things in your life. Things were going well with you me and H and you gradually did something that would push us away from you for forever, or so you thought. It's a neverending dark cycle...and it's all because you feel that you're a jerk who doesn't deserve happiness.

Scott...you need to realize that every human in the world deserves happiness, no matter what they've done. You say that you don't want help, but with your actions you're crying out for it...you're miserable and you need somebody to help you. I will still be here to help you if you so wish, and if you do not then I won't lose any sleep over it just because I couldn't help. It's not because I didn't try, it would be because you didn't want it.

Anyways, I've analyzed the problem and I've come to a hypothesis, and the only way to prove me wrong is to tell me what really happened. Though it may not be exactly what I posted here...it could be something similar. I must apologize for this because I couldn't type it out the way I was thinking it, so it's not as clear as it should be...but blah, whatever right? Umm...I hope that you enjoy the time that you have left in your life. Drink and party...mostly drink...because that's the level that you stoop down to for cheering yourself up...and it only makes things worse because Alcohol is a depressant.