What's wrong w/ me?
It seems like I'm NEVER pleased w/ ANYTHING. None of my abilities, none of... nothing!
Why do I have to care so much about being strong. I don't want to feel like a wimp. I want to be strong, have bigger muscles, and I know what everybody says! I know I shouldn't be longing for such filthy stupid things, but...
I feel like that all the time! I hate the olympics and the athletes, I can never be happy for their abilities. I can't even write a story w/out feeling down some way or another because I've made the character strong, and I know I just can't fight, and I can't be physically equal to them.
Hear me! It's stupid, I know, but I've tried to forget it! I've tried to indulge my life into music. But I hate feeling like I can never defend myself, and now my bff is weight lifting and I don't want to feel happy for her, and it just feels so wierd me not being stronger than her. I feel so selfish, but I don't know what I can do!
I keep bringing myself down because I'm not strong, and I regret not taking- doing- UGHHKLSAGJL:KSJDL SOMETHING when I was younger!
It's just so complicated. I want to believe that being strong is not my life, and it isn't. But something else in me just wants to be strong. Like I won't be complete. Like I can't do anything else.
I wish nobody in this world was strong. I wish all my characters in my stories didn't have to be strong. I wish I could tell everyone to F**** off, and I want all the athletes to just... I dunno!
It's complicated, but does anybody have help? Maybe I just wanted to rant about my hate and my life, and my stupid problems.
And I hear all these things from these people who know a hell of a lot about life, but my mind just doesn't seem to settle...
 Lizard Overlord · Mon Dec 29, 2008 @ 01:03am · 1 Comments |
