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-deep breath-

-exhale-

-sigh-

that's kinda how life has been lately

things slow down but my fingers are still gripping tightly onto the seat as i wait for the floor to fall out from underneath and start falling into space

i finally began to kick out all the emails from my account
not the gaia private messages, but emails from my real life
whoa
i had no idea how deeply i had withdrawn
so many "where are you???"
and the most awful of all "are you mad at me???"

omg
nooooo

i don't even remember where i left off
and boy that's so sad

i need to get back into the swing of things pretty quickly
but with christmas here

-takes in a deep breath-

-exhales-

-sigh-

-----------------------------

so work:
well, it's chaos. we are being absorbed into a new company. i am 100% law enforcement products and 0% new products. and there is talk to sell off the law enforcement side. princess sat with me yesterday and made me feel worse, which wasn't his intention - but that's what happened. he said if they sell the product line that the new company would probably want to hire me and i would be free to go.

omg

free to go?
wth?

i told him i want -- noo - i NEED to be important to the new product line. they need to figure something out.

let me start from the beginning

David is a super nice dude. But he values doctorate degrees. Me no havey doctorate degree. I don't even have a master's degree.

All along David has said "you are all safe"
but everyone knows that means nothing

so i talked to princess the other day and told him very frankly that since i don't have a masters or doctorate degree that i do NOT want to be stuck in the secretarial pool. That would piss me off. I am NO secretary.

i want to be like i am here
important
imperative
a part of the technical foundation

but not locked in the "dummy" section of the company

i am well aware that David will take my network away from me. i'm not dumb. i see that coming from a mile away. he will toss in some lame geek with a PhD and pay him gobs of cash to sit on his a** and be useless until someone can't print. and that will be the end of all internet fun as we know it. no more logging into anything during the work hours.

David will do this even though I am not only perfectly capable of handling it but am also 100% willing.

Technical support? Well that is a good question. I may get lucky and be able to stay in tech support. The crappy part is that I won't be running it like I do now. Nope, again they will toss in some lame geek with a PhD and have him run the support and I'll be a peon nobody.

This merger is really crappy for me.

dang

-------------------

D_I still hasn't remembered her gaia password
or the password to the email acct she used to sign up for gaia
she said last night
"well mom, you still have lots of other things"
and i said
"yes, you're right but...imagine if i took away your laptop and told you that you still had lots of other things...."

that kinda ended the conversation
man i love logic when it's used for good

---------------------

mom is doing better. she isn't broken after all. just bruised. thank God

dad is fine too. his illness seems to be gone away now. again thank God

---------------------

my ToP life is going well
slow but well
it had some bumps, but has really steadied out

i should be finishing the rebirth quest tonight after work
....for those who don't know what that means.....

In Tales of Pirates being "rebirthed" means you get to start from zero
"reborn" so to speak
you can reset all your stat points, choose a new class if you don't like the one you are now, learn new skills (right now i am a sharpshooter and mostly am support. the new skill i will get is a stun skill that i can use for a group of baddies), and...and...and the coolest part....you can FLY instead of walk!

it's sooo cool since i will be only the 3rd SS in the server to have rebirthed

it's kinda a big deal

i joined the strongest guild on the server a while ago and love it love it love it

we kick major butt

i'm still really a n00b compared to all the rest, since this is my first server. but i am learning. i am very active and participate my butt off....and...i have gotten a lot of rewards in return. i got a black dragon gem a couple of weeks ago. which is HUGE for that game. not to mention all the other regular gems and omg the money they toss at us... amazing


-sigh-
well that's it really
kinda worried about work
but
it'll be okay