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I am currently bored and i wont stop listening to the song Crush by David Archuleta
over and over again.David Archuleta is ugly but the song speaks to me. I want the guy i like to finally notice that I'm madly in love with him. Even though I barley ever get to see him. And even though his parents don't like me very much. I want them to accept that I can't live without him. Its too late. Even now I try to forget him for my own good but I'm to selfish to let him go. I love him too much and i hate myself for it. I am trying to learn to live without him but instead I end up look at the only pictures I have of him for hours while listening to depressing music. And sometimes i just end up hurting myself to get rid of the pain in my heart that is eating me alive. I don't think he understands that i long to be with him and that i long to hear him sweet, addicting voice. I wish he could understand the pain I'm in right now. How much it hurts me. But at least I'm not hiding myself from the truth. All I ever think about is him. And no matter what I tell myself my heart is always going to love him more than my own life. Every day I live depressed but filled with hope. Hope that I will be able to see his face. To see his breath taking smile and to feel his warmth. I miss him to much. I want to be in his arms again and feel his warm lips on mine. But i knew at some point his parents would find out that we loved each other and then not approve of it. I knew we would be pulled away from each other. But I let myself fall in love anyway. I'm just an idiot. I still fell in love with him. I'M SO STUPID!!!!!! I knew I should of just kept ignoring him and keep my feelings to myself. I knew but i didn't care. I ignored my own warning. I fell in love and he fell in love. Now I'm suffering and i don't know what to do. I move along each day counting each day i can't have him near me. I miss him so much i hate it. I need him and i miss him. I would do anything to be able to be with him right now. But for now i must wait for him. Till his parents decide I'm good enough for him. And I know I'm stupid, very stupid to make this desicion but...
I'll wait for him. I'll give him all the time he needs. So for now...
I wait...
...