How did we get here? What could we have done thats been so wrong?
I really don't have a clue why things are going this way.
Well, thatsa lie; I do; but I guess I just dont want to believe it.
I know rightnow life sicks for me; but hopefully things will mend themselves.
I don't want our family to die with the loose ends of our temper.
No; we need to stick together to the end of this. Its only a few more months.
And thats scary too. Only a few more months until I start to forget some people forever.
But others I will remember forever. I will never forget some of the people I have known for only 2 years...
And sme of those people will hopefully remember me and we will keep in touch.
But I cannot say for certain.
And I have had this hole in my chest area; and its weird.
Its like the last piece to the puzzle is missing and I gave the piece away to someone who should keep it.
They deserve more; but for now thats what I can do.
I can only hope for the best; but I dont want to have anything happen until highschool where things will be better.
And in my soul I know that it would be best for him to never see me again and for him to forget about my existence in 20 years.
But a part of me wishes I know him my whole life and that we keep in touch regularly.
But the likleyhood of that is slim and he wouldn't want that. He will want to go and leave this past behind.
I am just a brutal reminder of that past; and he dosent need that.
So I guess with the hope of the future to be better; I am going to have to just distance myself and hope he never sees me again; though it kills me.
I wish I didnt say that; and I will regret it; but i know that in 10 years I wont matter either way.
I will just bwe a distant memory and I will just be some girl he knew.
I will be nothing to him. Maybe I never was, who knows?
But I know I will mean as much as lunch that day; nothing. I was just something else; someone else he knew.
Thats what I hope happens in 10-20 years; though it kills me; I hope for his sake thats the case.
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