misery.It's so sad for me to think about the people that said they
would never hurt me and gave me that hope and in the end they hurt
me so much they can't even imagine how bad it is.I truly am happy
that some people help me though the things that make me terrified or
depressed or just plainly hold my sanity together.Yet they can hurt
me so many ways even if they mean not to.Laughs darkly.Oh well this
is how life is to me all cold ,uncared for ,and most of all never able to
have love... Though it can seem horrible at first but then you get used
to it and them there come the wave of depression and other things
mixed in with that.Also with hating something but them wanting it all
for yourself has always happens with me and it never seems to be
able stop now does it? It's just....just that I can't handle any of this
any more all I want to do is for some one to fix me just turn me off
and fix me.Is that so hard for some people to do even the ones that
claim to love or even care about me.The only one that did was Rachel
and she..she gone out of my life for ever...Huh??? Well is it???
Whatever it doesn't matter any more because I have learned to
accept the darkness as my one and only home.There is still is a
very small chance for me to back to the way I used to be but I know
that will never happen even if he did accept it and I will just find
reasons to crush my self with him never able to save ever again.
But like I said whatever it doesn't matter at all to anyone not even me........
