FireEclipse
Ok Here's my try:
btw: this is the original txt. so sorry if there's a bit of language.
Top 70 Complaints of the Modern Day Vampire
1 Have to wait three days for victim's blood test results
2 High Bloodpressure... It's like Drinking from a freaking Fire Hose!
3 A lack of available virgins
4 Have you Seen Coffin Prices Recently? $3000 to $8000 for a Bed!
5 Thanks to Marilyn Manson fans, we just aren't taken seriously any more.
6 Getting your fangs caught up in the choker chains around teenage girls' necks.
7 Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.
8 Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.
9 Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized, "hardbodies."
10 how are we supposed to eat healthy when the people that we bite aren't
11 Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
12 With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are off-limits.
13 No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
14 AIDS infected blood
15 After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
16 No warm blood for miles around DC or any other area where politicians reside.
17 Too many mortal wanna-bes
18 People keep getting higher in MSG, Sodium, and Saturated Fats
19 given current obesity rates, cannot reach vein
20 With all the body piercings these days they keep chipping fangs
21 Hard to get a decent puncture without silicon or latex on your fangs.
22 I was caught & Tagged last week by a student studying Bat Migration!!
23 They don't make coffins like they used to
24 Lack of SPF 4500 sunscreen
25 damn that pepper spray
26 Oh, you should see Little Italy, with all that garlic...
27 Too many people trying to pass as Undead, when they're just BRAIN dead.
28 Weak union
29 i get more fat than blood when i eat - damn you mcdonalds
30 Telemarketers always calling at 10 am, just when I finally hit a deep sleep.
31 This product may contain traces of garlic
32 caffeinated blood causes high ichor pressure
33 Every where you look there is a damn crucifix.
34 scary clothes and fangs now deemed cool, need new look
35 used to be invincible, but mortal weapons sucked back then
36 Bay Windows...every new house has Bay Windows
37 i can't do my hair in this mirror
38 the increasing number of Goths with crucifixes
39 Atkins guy and all this low carb blood
40 damn day lights saving time
41 New Rolox windows are Air-tight. Can't get in, even in Form of Mist!
42 Oh c'mon, you mean I have to be in California to hook up with Buffy
43 - All this high fructose corn syrup in the blood, too much Mountain Dew!
44 - No 24 hour blood banks
45 - The only secluded place anymore is North Dakota
46 - Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
47 - Your fangs don't look as real as that 15 year old LARPer's
48 - Light pollution
49 - Michael Jackson is taking the attention away from everyone else.
50 - No one liked Dance of the Vampires, and we worked so hard on it
51 - Too Few 24 hour hangouts
52 - too many wannabes dressed in Goth
53 - Can't get coffee at Denny's anymore because of the Gothpunks.
54 - what's with all the scarfs?
55 - Can't enjoy Burger King without someone yelling "Look Ma, it's Elvis!!"
56 - forget sunlight, windows keeps crashing
57 - So now I'm the cause of AIDS? Whats up with that?
58 - there's more beer in there than blood!
59 - Man i bet your boyfriend hates those teeth
60 - Motion detectors pick up my wings
61 - stupid LARPers ruined our image
62 - Those street lights at night.
63 - God damned Olive Garden
64 - The proffession sucks.
65 - Too much caffeine in victim’s blood system.
66 - why can't the sun come out at night instead?
67 - My nose is falling off
68 - I can never work on my tan
69 - gm blood (2 caps is not "so many" it is called an acronym!!!)
70 - Items on Keepersoflists.org keep getting modded down
btw: this is the original txt. so sorry if there's a bit of language.
Top 70 Complaints of the Modern Day Vampire
1 Have to wait three days for victim's blood test results
2 High Bloodpressure... It's like Drinking from a freaking Fire Hose!
3 A lack of available virgins
4 Have you Seen Coffin Prices Recently? $3000 to $8000 for a Bed!
5 Thanks to Marilyn Manson fans, we just aren't taken seriously any more.
6 Getting your fangs caught up in the choker chains around teenage girls' necks.
7 Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards.
8 Grunge look makes it tough to tell living from the undead.
9 Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized, "hardbodies."
10 how are we supposed to eat healthy when the people that we bite aren't
11 Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.
12 With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are off-limits.
13 No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.
14 AIDS infected blood
15 After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.
16 No warm blood for miles around DC or any other area where politicians reside.
17 Too many mortal wanna-bes
18 People keep getting higher in MSG, Sodium, and Saturated Fats
19 given current obesity rates, cannot reach vein
20 With all the body piercings these days they keep chipping fangs
21 Hard to get a decent puncture without silicon or latex on your fangs.
22 I was caught & Tagged last week by a student studying Bat Migration!!
23 They don't make coffins like they used to
24 Lack of SPF 4500 sunscreen
25 damn that pepper spray
26 Oh, you should see Little Italy, with all that garlic...
27 Too many people trying to pass as Undead, when they're just BRAIN dead.
28 Weak union
29 i get more fat than blood when i eat - damn you mcdonalds
30 Telemarketers always calling at 10 am, just when I finally hit a deep sleep.
31 This product may contain traces of garlic
32 caffeinated blood causes high ichor pressure
33 Every where you look there is a damn crucifix.
34 scary clothes and fangs now deemed cool, need new look
35 used to be invincible, but mortal weapons sucked back then
36 Bay Windows...every new house has Bay Windows
37 i can't do my hair in this mirror
38 the increasing number of Goths with crucifixes
39 Atkins guy and all this low carb blood
40 damn day lights saving time
41 New Rolox windows are Air-tight. Can't get in, even in Form of Mist!
42 Oh c'mon, you mean I have to be in California to hook up with Buffy
43 - All this high fructose corn syrup in the blood, too much Mountain Dew!
44 - No 24 hour blood banks
45 - The only secluded place anymore is North Dakota
46 - Three Words: Daylight Savings Time
47 - Your fangs don't look as real as that 15 year old LARPer's
48 - Light pollution
49 - Michael Jackson is taking the attention away from everyone else.
50 - No one liked Dance of the Vampires, and we worked so hard on it
51 - Too Few 24 hour hangouts
52 - too many wannabes dressed in Goth
53 - Can't get coffee at Denny's anymore because of the Gothpunks.
54 - what's with all the scarfs?
55 - Can't enjoy Burger King without someone yelling "Look Ma, it's Elvis!!"
56 - forget sunlight, windows keeps crashing
57 - So now I'm the cause of AIDS? Whats up with that?
58 - there's more beer in there than blood!
59 - Man i bet your boyfriend hates those teeth
60 - Motion detectors pick up my wings
61 - stupid LARPers ruined our image
62 - Those street lights at night.
63 - God damned Olive Garden
64 - The proffession sucks.
65 - Too much caffeine in victim’s blood system.
66 - why can't the sun come out at night instead?
67 - My nose is falling off
68 - I can never work on my tan
69 - gm blood (2 caps is not "so many" it is called an acronym!!!)
70 - Items on Keepersoflists.org keep getting modded down
