prince romanov
alright. so, i've been the guy who preys on depressed girls and picks'em up on th erebound. so i know how to spot those people. my girlfriend sara met this guy at an anime con she goes to twice a year. she trusts him and thinks of him as a brother, and he says he thinks of her as a siste. when i heard this i could tell already, i didn't like him and do not trust him. the more i hear abouthim the more my dislike of him increases. he is that kind of person. it was even proven recently when i had a meltdown and broke up with her for a couple days. xp cause he offered to be her boyfriend, while she was crying to him on th ephone. that is the move. i know that move! it was to me, confirmation.
but still she trusts hm. won't believe me about him. she says she trusts that i can spot those people, believes that i know what i am talking about, but still trusts him enough to believe that i am wrong about him. in other words, she trusts him more than me. this makes me hate him even more. stare
she said that if i meet him in person and still find that my judgement is the same she'll believe me. but everytime i play out that scenario it turns out with me losing my temper, and her not believing me no matter how many valid points i made, simply because of what an a** i just proved myself to be....
she did tell me of course that when i meet him i have to follow certain rules, no being rude, no provoking him, etcetera... basically everything i was gonna do. stare
.... ggrr.... i don't wanna handle it any other way than with a display of dominance!! sides, i don't know any other way to... *sighs.* ... iii-_- but if i do it my way it will just be a disaster... i hate this....
but still she trusts hm. won't believe me about him. she says she trusts that i can spot those people, believes that i know what i am talking about, but still trusts him enough to believe that i am wrong about him. in other words, she trusts him more than me. this makes me hate him even more. stare
she said that if i meet him in person and still find that my judgement is the same she'll believe me. but everytime i play out that scenario it turns out with me losing my temper, and her not believing me no matter how many valid points i made, simply because of what an a** i just proved myself to be....
she did tell me of course that when i meet him i have to follow certain rules, no being rude, no provoking him, etcetera... basically everything i was gonna do. stare
.... ggrr.... i don't wanna handle it any other way than with a display of dominance!! sides, i don't know any other way to... *sighs.* ... iii-_- but if i do it my way it will just be a disaster... i hate this....
psychelapis
Well, if she wasn't going to trust "that kind of guy" then she would have to stop trusting you, as you said, you are that type of guy (and yes, you did use the past tense but I wouldn't be surprised if you did such things again)
Perhaps she is attracted to the type of guy you are, and the type he is, since hell, you are the same type XD
If you don't want her to trust him, then you don't want her to trust you either, since you aren't that much/any better. I doubt that the similarities end at just what you have described either.
It is lovely when these things happen, as you end up stewing over someone else that reflects what you are, and you hate it XD So artful it is twisted
And the title is ironic since I watched a Xena episode earlier that is called "takes one to know one" XD I need to finish watching it later, tomorrow perhaps.
Anywho, since you understand the beast that you/him are, perhaps some relfection would come up with a way that you think you/him would be convinced to back off. Or if he cannot be made to back off, perhaps just focusing on being a good little boy to look good in her eyes, so that he doesn't have any ammo to use later to blast apart her image of you.
Perhaps she is attracted to the type of guy you are, and the type he is, since hell, you are the same type XD
If you don't want her to trust him, then you don't want her to trust you either, since you aren't that much/any better. I doubt that the similarities end at just what you have described either.
It is lovely when these things happen, as you end up stewing over someone else that reflects what you are, and you hate it XD So artful it is twisted
And the title is ironic since I watched a Xena episode earlier that is called "takes one to know one" XD I need to finish watching it later, tomorrow perhaps.
Anywho, since you understand the beast that you/him are, perhaps some relfection would come up with a way that you think you/him would be convinced to back off. Or if he cannot be made to back off, perhaps just focusing on being a good little boy to look good in her eyes, so that he doesn't have any ammo to use later to blast apart her image of you.
realmcutter
over the years i've come to learn to read a person by their eyes, face, and their actions. Even though i would say that you are jealous of the attention your girlfriend is getting from another guy, you have a right to be suspicious about him. If you want your girlfriend to get away from him, you have to appeal to her more than the new guy is (and to start going to anime conventions with her so no one tries to pick her up while your not there again)
xAikaNoKurayami
You, my good sir, are a loony.
That being said, I understand your position. I just think you're being far too closed/defensive in the matter. Heed psyche's advice, she's right on track, and I don't think I've ever known her to be wrong.
That being said, I understand your position. I just think you're being far too closed/defensive in the matter. Heed psyche's advice, she's right on track, and I don't think I've ever known her to be wrong.
inervel
Like others have said, its right to be suspicious. But at the same time you need to not go over board, why don't you start hanging out more with her. Also being their when she is having emotional issues. All I'm saying is to be more open around her, so she is able to share her feelings instead of going to the other guy. Just don't be to pushy or obvious, make sure to do it because you care for her not out of jealousy.
selune dusk
ggrr.... iii-_- yes, i know you guys are all right... i highly doubt that just being good and ignoring that guy will help at all.. because i AM the same guy as him, i know it, and i don't like him! i want him gone, THAT is my priority here!
i would be going to those conventions if i had the money, her grandmother is in charge of her money and won't pay for me to go with her. (even though she lets her run off with 1 or two friends of hers, they go get hyper and hang out with another guy just as bad as me who she knows much less about... grr...)
.... i'll try to do what you suggest guys, cause i know if i do it my way it will ******** up. damnit... iii-_- *pouts.*
oh, and i don't doubt that i'm as bad as him, that's teh point. i know he's so terrible because he's the same kinda guy as me, and i know just how easy that lifestyle is. oh well... thanks alot guys, realy. don't take it as sarcastic, i mean it. thank you all.
i would be going to those conventions if i had the money, her grandmother is in charge of her money and won't pay for me to go with her. (even though she lets her run off with 1 or two friends of hers, they go get hyper and hang out with another guy just as bad as me who she knows much less about... grr...)
.... i'll try to do what you suggest guys, cause i know if i do it my way it will ******** up. damnit... iii-_- *pouts.*
oh, and i don't doubt that i'm as bad as him, that's teh point. i know he's so terrible because he's the same kinda guy as me, and i know just how easy that lifestyle is. oh well... thanks alot guys, realy. don't take it as sarcastic, i mean it. thank you all.
Lady Schist
My fiance was just like you before we got engaged and I almost left him because of it. It's still a touchy subject.
He took exception to one of my friends, who in his defense, DID have a crush on me. He was hostile and almost violent and stopped very short of asking me to not see this friend anymore.
I took that badly, I trust myself and expect people to trust me. I knew about my friend's crush and I was more than prepared to, I was actually waiting for him to make a move, so that I could tell him I didn't want him that way I wanted him as my friend.
I felt like my lover didn't trust me to do this for myself. As if he had to be some retarded male protector. And we fought bitterly.
You will push her away if you keep on acting like a spoilt immature douche bag. Some things are out of your control and if you need that level of control over a woman she SHOULD leave you.
I'm fairly experienced, see former slut. And I've dated a lot of people but what's more is that I'm perceptive and I've *WATCHED* a lot of people.
Of ******** COURSE you have to not provoke him you idiot. If you were concerned with finding out the TRUTH, rather than trusting your intuition which is all well and good, but intuition can be wrong. It's just that simple. If you were concerned with anything but controlling your girlfriend, you'd be doing this properly. (Control is what I think this is about at this point because you're not concerned with conducting yourself in an analytical or scientific way.)
What you are dealing with is negatives. You want to prove that this guy is out to steal your girlfriend. That's bad. By putting him on the defensive or even by pushing him into the offensive, you can of COURSE provoke him into doing exactly what you want him to do.
You can provoke ANYONE into doing what you want.
*I* am the girl that's dealt with guys like you. My fiance who is much better about it, smarter and a wonderful communicator that has never wanted to control me and stopped himself from acting this way and came to me with all of his feelings laid out for me to interpret on my own. He respects me and asked me to help him overcome HIS issue. I told him to get to know my friend better, and he did. They became good friends and the crush disappeared.
Because that is what it is. It's YOUR issue.
And another man who abused me for a year and a half and controlled me in exactly this manner. When he saw a friend that didn't like him and wanted to 'save' me, even though I was prepared to tell that friend no, because at that point I was still believing him that everything he did to me was MY fault, and that everyone who cared about me didn't actually love me. That everyone was pretending.
You have two choices. My first, the abuser started off this way. He *always* believed he was right, that he was protecting me, right till the end. He beat me, he encouraged me to cut myself, he ******** with my friends and family, I moved out of my home because of him. The friends of mine that were his before treated me like dirt, the friends of mine that could have helped me he alienated either through me or for me. He liked to choke me during sex. He didn't believe in the word 'no'. Not when it applied to him. He was always depressed and used that as emotional control. And when I left him, he was the victim. He wrote my name on the wall in his own blood when he killed himself. And I have NEVER escaped him. He ruined my friendships and an entire town that I can't go back to because there are memories *and* people there that I don't want to face.
That could be you.
The plain fact of the matter is, this is your girlfriend's friend, and it's HER ******** DOMAIN. You don't screw with your woman's friends you give them the benefit of the doubt, and wait for them to ******** up on their own. If you provoke him into screwing up, she's going to see that. Sooner or later.
You have to let her decide for herself because she's a ******** person. And when you try and force her mind or her hand in deciding about her friends, you're not treating her like a person. You're dehumanizing her. You're making her into not an equal, but a person to be decided for when you reject her assertions of the situation so violently. You won't even give this guy a chance.
Don't thank me, Smarten the ******** up.
(Not that you'd want to thank me anyway seeing as I've just spent my time insulting you, on the internet, which means you'll ignore it, become self righteous, or simply that I loose because I'm arguing on the internet.)
He took exception to one of my friends, who in his defense, DID have a crush on me. He was hostile and almost violent and stopped very short of asking me to not see this friend anymore.
I took that badly, I trust myself and expect people to trust me. I knew about my friend's crush and I was more than prepared to, I was actually waiting for him to make a move, so that I could tell him I didn't want him that way I wanted him as my friend.
I felt like my lover didn't trust me to do this for myself. As if he had to be some retarded male protector. And we fought bitterly.
You will push her away if you keep on acting like a spoilt immature douche bag. Some things are out of your control and if you need that level of control over a woman she SHOULD leave you.
I'm fairly experienced, see former slut. And I've dated a lot of people but what's more is that I'm perceptive and I've *WATCHED* a lot of people.
Of ******** COURSE you have to not provoke him you idiot. If you were concerned with finding out the TRUTH, rather than trusting your intuition which is all well and good, but intuition can be wrong. It's just that simple. If you were concerned with anything but controlling your girlfriend, you'd be doing this properly. (Control is what I think this is about at this point because you're not concerned with conducting yourself in an analytical or scientific way.)
What you are dealing with is negatives. You want to prove that this guy is out to steal your girlfriend. That's bad. By putting him on the defensive or even by pushing him into the offensive, you can of COURSE provoke him into doing exactly what you want him to do.
You can provoke ANYONE into doing what you want.
*I* am the girl that's dealt with guys like you. My fiance who is much better about it, smarter and a wonderful communicator that has never wanted to control me and stopped himself from acting this way and came to me with all of his feelings laid out for me to interpret on my own. He respects me and asked me to help him overcome HIS issue. I told him to get to know my friend better, and he did. They became good friends and the crush disappeared.
Because that is what it is. It's YOUR issue.
And another man who abused me for a year and a half and controlled me in exactly this manner. When he saw a friend that didn't like him and wanted to 'save' me, even though I was prepared to tell that friend no, because at that point I was still believing him that everything he did to me was MY fault, and that everyone who cared about me didn't actually love me. That everyone was pretending.
You have two choices. My first, the abuser started off this way. He *always* believed he was right, that he was protecting me, right till the end. He beat me, he encouraged me to cut myself, he ******** with my friends and family, I moved out of my home because of him. The friends of mine that were his before treated me like dirt, the friends of mine that could have helped me he alienated either through me or for me. He liked to choke me during sex. He didn't believe in the word 'no'. Not when it applied to him. He was always depressed and used that as emotional control. And when I left him, he was the victim. He wrote my name on the wall in his own blood when he killed himself. And I have NEVER escaped him. He ruined my friendships and an entire town that I can't go back to because there are memories *and* people there that I don't want to face.
That could be you.
The plain fact of the matter is, this is your girlfriend's friend, and it's HER ******** DOMAIN. You don't screw with your woman's friends you give them the benefit of the doubt, and wait for them to ******** up on their own. If you provoke him into screwing up, she's going to see that. Sooner or later.
You have to let her decide for herself because she's a ******** person. And when you try and force her mind or her hand in deciding about her friends, you're not treating her like a person. You're dehumanizing her. You're making her into not an equal, but a person to be decided for when you reject her assertions of the situation so violently. You won't even give this guy a chance.
Don't thank me, Smarten the ******** up.
(Not that you'd want to thank me anyway seeing as I've just spent my time insulting you, on the internet, which means you'll ignore it, become self righteous, or simply that I loose because I'm arguing on the internet.)
prince romanov
...... sorry... don't think that thjose are wha i'll do, no... actualy i'm just thinking now...
Pyre Dancer
ask her not to hang out with him, at least not so much
simple answers usually are the most effective
simple answers usually are the most effective
prince romanov
nah.... i think maybe i need to consider things now.... damn i hate thinking... xp
Pyre Dancer
thinking is never the wrong choice to make wink
prince romanov
ok, somebdoy pleas etry to explain this to me... xp as soon as i decide to settle down a bit, she suddenly decide sto say that she has been doing lots of thinking and that maybe he s using her... WHAT THE ********!? gonk
Sinesthera
You are trying to force her and push her by your agressive demeaner. By settling down what you said is still going through her head. You put her on the defensive thus she isn't going to agree. She is going to want to have faith in her friend and think about him in a possitive manner. Once you stop trying to force her to think a certain way she comes around because the force isn't there.
She feels as if she processed what you said you know?
She feels as if she processed what you said you know?
Mitsh
Please please please for the love of the five Christs will you re-read what Lady Schist wrote and realise that you are being a colossal b*****d? This isn't honorable, just, or chivalrous - it's just you trying to be the alpha male by protecting what you've pissed on.
Not to be a d**k, or anything. You want advice, that's what you'll get.
Not to be a d**k, or anything. You want advice, that's what you'll get.
selune dusk
*struggles not to start laughing.* .... whee
... whee
... yeah... hmhm!... heheh...
i have already read what she said, realized she's right, and calmed down. sara then tells me "well, i've been thinking about it. and i think maybe he's relay using me afterall." and i just didn't understand. .... sin, what you said makes sense i suppose... neutral leastways it's logical. i guess i can understand that. huh....
.... meh. who'da thought. xd oh well. i'm just gonna be honest here though, it isn't easy for me to not be this dominant, especialy when i go through what i'm going through right now. (don't ask.) i'm currently in a very dominant mood. so chilling out and relenting was warfare to me.
stupid testosterone... >.>
... whee
... yeah... hmhm!... heheh...
i have already read what she said, realized she's right, and calmed down. sara then tells me "well, i've been thinking about it. and i think maybe he's relay using me afterall." and i just didn't understand. .... sin, what you said makes sense i suppose... neutral leastways it's logical. i guess i can understand that. huh....
.... meh. who'da thought. xd oh well. i'm just gonna be honest here though, it isn't easy for me to not be this dominant, especialy when i go through what i'm going through right now. (don't ask.) i'm currently in a very dominant mood. so chilling out and relenting was warfare to me.
stupid testosterone... >.>
