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Why Cant I?
As I look over my.....interesting day, I noticed that I was sensitive, whether it was horrible at one point and not that much at other points, I just was. I compleletly understand why too, but I also remembered how I cried on Sunday for awhile and how it gave me a huge headache and the im about to barf feeling. Basically it wasnt pretty, for some reason I always get heaches when I cry, but for some reason no one else in the world seems like that too. My mom said its because I never cry and that I should just cry more because its healthy, so when I get sad that I should be able to cry and let it all out. It made me wonder, why dont I cry when im upset, frustrated, and hurt emotionally? I always take it up, lock it away and feep it there like I bottle until one day it explodes on an innocent or maybe not so innocent person, and its like, why do I do that? Why ant I cry like a normal person. I just remembered that when I was younger I wouldnt cry infront of my sister and my cousins when I knew they were hurt too, I always had to be strong for them, I had to let them know that everything was going to be ok, even if I didnt think it was going to be, I always had to be the example, being the oldest and all, and grown-ups were never any help at those times either, I mean sometimes yeah, but most of the time they werent, but I dont see how that should affect me now, I mean I dont live by my cousins anymore, sadly, and I not alot of things affect both me and my sister emotionally anymore, there hasnt been any family accidents or anything dramatic in awhile, so why cant I cry still. None of that helped me find out why. Why cant I just let all my drama out and cry, just let it all go, why is that so hard for me? God, im pissing myself off right now, im totally depressing myself and once I start it tends to be hard to stop it. I NEED ANTI-DEPRESSANTS! Ok, maybe not, but it would be nice I guess
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