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After I finally found work, then more cropped up. Been a fuuuullll few months, moreso than I've ever had, even after my dad died. sweatdrop
My aunt goes in tomorrow morning to hopefully get rid of a particularly large, nasty kidney stone. The thing is bigger than a nickel, with prongs, and is blocking some kidney function. She refused treatment at first, and lied about it to me until things just didn't add up anymore with her story. =_=; Took the threat of kidney failure to move her to this point. Ever since she left the ER, she rarely holds down her food, and is very listless.
I also discovered at the ER she'd been off her meds for months, because "money was tight"....and it was, because of me losing my job. Plus, she'd developed an open sore on her leg, which was infected.
She's the only family I have left. Without her, I am utterly alone, blood-wise. Ian is in college up in Vermont now....I wouldn't want him to throw that away, he's doing so much there. But I've never faced anything like this, and it is still near-overwhelming. Every morning, I wake up afraid I will find something happened through the night.
This led up to me having a minor nervous breakdown. The doctor put me on sedatives, but they made me more nervous. xd ; WTF. But then, I never respond well to anything stronger than Tylenol....and I don't believe in numbing myself to reality.
But I still many times feel like curling and sleeping, to hide....even as other times I feel strong again, more like myself. Karma thinks it's depression.....and I suppose she's right.
By no means have I forgotten the GMFC. Karma is helping me as best she can....but I've lost the concentration, the heart, that I put into my art while this crisis with my aunt drags on. Drawing takes a lot more effort of spirit than random bumpage and distracting conversation, which is why I still do show up on the forum from time to time while I chat with Ian. I can pretend to be happy, with words. But I can't hide when I draw, and it shows. I broke down trying to draw Nio's preggie pic. -_- And it didn't have the same shine my work did before all this.
I know this isn't fair to my appies, though. If anyone wants another artist, I will try to make arrangements where I can. But I just can't do it now. I'm sure I will be able to again....I've always drawn, my whole life. But just not now. Just let me know, okay?
~ Tara
 Tara Jenkins · Tue Sep 13, 2005 @ 11:59pm · 1 Comments |
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