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*Everyones got a Prince Charming. Mine just took a wrong turning got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
*A good friend will bring u an umbrella when it rains, but a best friend will take yours and say: "Run b***h! RUN!"
*A good friend will be there to confort u wen he dumps you, but a best friend will go up to him and say: "It's because your gay, isnt it?"
*A good friend helps you wen u fall, but a best friend laughes and then trips you again
*Friends are gods way of apologizing for family
*Your friendship means a lot to me:
when u cry, i will cry
when u laugh i will laugh
when u jump out the window... i will laugh again
*a good friend will bail u out of jail, but a best friend will b sitting there next to you saying: we ******** up big time, but dam that rocked!
*a good friend will take the beer away wen u've had enough, but a best friend will pay u more and say: we dont wanna waste this s**t!
*Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
*Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
*Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
*All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
*No guy is worth your tears & the ones who are won’t make you cry.
*The two most common elements in the world are hydrogen and stupidity.
*Men are like roses, watch out for all of the pricks.
*Suicide is away of telling God, You can’t fire me I quit !!!!!
*If love isn’t a game, then why are there so many players ?
*Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.
*Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
*Have the courage to live. Anyone can die.
*I walked up the wall, closed the stairs, said my Pajamas and put on my Prays turned on the bed and hopped into the light all because you kissed me goodnight..
*officer, i swear to drunk im not god
*If you love someone, set them free, then get the hell out of there because they will call the police and you’ll get charged with kidnapping.
*Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
*everything in this room is eatable, even im eatable, but that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned apon in most societies
*We were giving everything in twos.. eyes, ears, but why only one heart? Because someone was giving the other one to find.
*~a guy gives his girlfriend a dozen roses- 11 real, 1 fake- and tells her that hell love her until the day the last rose dies.
*He says: "i dont kno y u wear a bra, u hav nothing ot put in it"
She says:"u wear pants dont u?"
*never hit a man w/ glasses, hib him w/ a baseball bat!
*the dumber people think u are, the more surprized they are when u kill them
*write his name in a circle instead ofa heart cuz hearts will break, but circles go on forever
*I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
*He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
*If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
*I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
*Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
*The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
*There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
*I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up.
*Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
*A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
*If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
*should forgive our enemies, but only after they’ve been taken out and shot.
*I’m the person your mother warned you about.
*The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.
*Beat the 5 o’clock rush - Leave work at noon.
*I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.
*Where there’s a will… I want to be in it.
*All men are idiots And I married their king.
*People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
*There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
*Excuse, but do I look like someone who cares?
*The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
*I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
*If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
*why do i need a boyfriend when i can just use yours?
*Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
*I don’t know what makes you dumb But it really works.
*I don’t need no Educashun.
*Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
*To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
*I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.
*A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A succesful woman is one who can find such a man.
*If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children…’ - they leave skid marks.
*There are three stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus; he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
*The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
*The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.
*A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
*Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
*Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
*I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
*Women: Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.
*One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
*A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s - That’s because she changes it more often.
*I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
*No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.
*Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?
*A woman is like a tea bag. She only knows her strength when put in hot water.
*Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.
*Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good? Luckily, this is not difficult.
*There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
*Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.
*Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilt and I’ll show you a man.
*I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
*women: scientificly proven to be right even when they’re wrong