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My family, they think im an angel. Just like most of the world but am i really? with all the problems in my life with all of it bottling up inside me? am i natural or fake? is it wrong to lie or is it okay at times to the right people? its weird how some people think that im a bitchy whore and others think im the little angel*soon to be take my spot....* but what i dont get is am i both? i mean how is it possible for me to be a whore when all my outfits are jeans and t-shirts or tanktops, i dont flirt, and im "part of the guys" like i mean its it right to judge me like that? is it right to say im this certain way just so that you feel better about yourself? (the you is my family) i mean just because my sisters a little frigen messed doesnt mean im going to or already am does it? i mean i am very different from her shes into drugs but im not! i mean like theres a difference bettween us and now my moms due last week of december and its like my dad hardly notices me unless he wants to bug or talk with my mom or tell me to do something? or drive me somewhere? ok fine yes i understand my mom needs love right now and i understand that the kids going to need all the love it can get but like that doesnt mean i can be forgotten i mean like everyone forgets about me just because im the middle one is that fair? my sisters trying to get the wrong attention and emily is now getting the love? what am i suppose to do? wait till i die for them to notice me? the only people that ACTUALLY notice me is my cousins my sister never talks to me so what the hell am i suppose to do? and i hardly see my younger cousins n my oldest is having problems with his mom n her boyfriend just because there judgeing him because hes a "pothead" its not like hes going to quit for them hes going to quit when he wants to they cant change him there trying to and its pissing me and my cousin lisa and the eldest cousin (the "pot head" wink matti off.. i mean seriously hes like one of my best friends i dont care if its weird or stupid that my cousins are the closest people to me but its true i use to fallow him around all the time but like why the hell should he put up with paul hes not his dad.why is he trying to give lisa the "talk" i mean she doesnt even need his ******** bullshit. i just wish that someone would straighten this ******** war soon i hate it its the same thing in both my family and lisas were both in the middle of it. kristen on the "bad" side and my mom n dad on the "good" side.. matti on the"bad" side and linda and paul on the "good" side like who the ******** made up sides was stupid i hate it like its a stupid war but i guess lisa has it worse because there actually trying to change matti(her older brother) thats not fair to either of them mattis going to snap and lisas going to have to here the screaming all over again then im going to have to get it out of her because shes my bestest friend and i try and always be there for her.
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