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Lately, my life has been one heck of an emotional roller coaster. First it was admiration, then it was love, then it was depression, then it was out of my mind, then it was hectic, and now it's finally over. My love is over. He's done. All i said was that I left the decision up to him on whether we should stay the same or just become friends. I wouldn't IM him before he IMed me with his response. I tried to be a good girlfriend, but I guess it didn't work out as well as I thought it would. I really have tried. I've cut back on sarcasm. I talk to him hours each day. And yet I seem to make mistakes every day. He said he was done with love. I'm done with feeling so torn. When I read that...my stomach just started tearing itself apart. I don't know how long it will last. I was thinking of him all day today...while I was writing, while I was doing art, while I was listening to our song...I even saw someone who I realized looked just like him, and it made me feel sad because he still hadn't told me yet. I knew something was up. I just knew it.

So now I'm writing this, regretting this, trying to ignore the wrestling match going on inside my gut...but it's not working. I still feel sick to my stomach. And all I can say is I am extremely sorry for having things turn out like this. I tried messaging him even though he was offline. I tried to send this:

"So I couldn't wait until you messaged me back...and all I have to say is sorry, for everything I've done wrong since I knew you. I am sorry. So sorry. I'm broken again. Right when I thought I was fixed. I'm hurt and shaking and so confused. But if you really want to be done with me...I guess I'll leave if you want. Goodbye."

And I mean it. If he doesn't love me anymore, then I will leave. And I will try to forget. But I never forget things like this. So with that in mind, goodbye, my love, for the last time. I'm so sorry. Goodbye.