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Deuce Payne was reading Aluminum Guy comics in the bigass recliner in the bigass corner of the bigass living room of his bigass mansion. "Man...I'm bored as hell," he said to himself as he let out a sigh "There's gotta be somethin' to do 'round here!" Just then, his butler Winston walked in "Sir, why not watch a bit of television?" He asked with his dusty British accent. "Meh...why the hell not?" Deuce said with apperent boredom in his voice. He looked for the romote that went to the TV, but he couldn't find it. "Winston...where the hell is the romote?" He asked, while he dug in between the cushions of the recliner. "I haven't the slightest idea." he said with the same submissive look on his face that he always has. "Will you help me look for it?" Deuce asked. "I actually have other things to do, sir...why don't you get up and turn it on yourself?" Winston said with a slight condescending tone in his voice. "Are you ********' crazy Winston?! Why would I do that?!" "Just a suggestion, sir." Winston said as he left the room. "DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!" Deuce yelled, clearly frustrated. "I guess I'll have to get up and find it myself!" He said, not realizing the redundancy of the situation. He got up and searched his living room a good ten minutes, then decided that it wasn't in the living room and moved on, but before he left the room he saw the remote lodged between two books on the bookshelf in his living room. "There you are, you sneaky b*****d!" He said to himself, fancying himself a genius. He tried to get it out but it was stuck. "What the hell?!" He pulled even harder. "Hmm...there's gotta be a way to get it out..." He pulled one of the books that held the remote in place, and when he did, a trap door opend out from under him. "Oh, s**t." He said, in an unusually calm voice. He fell down a chute that led to a large open cavern. He fell out of the chute and landed on his a**. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PLACE?!" He screamed, as his voice echoed throughout the cave. "I didn't put this in the construction plans!...Wait...THIS IS WHY THEY CHARGED AN ASSLOAD MORE!" He looked back behind him and there was a lever that said 'pull to exit'. Deuce saw this, and immidiately ran over and pulled it. Just then the floor under him shot him back up the chute using a pneumatic lift. He shot up and crashed into the ceiling, and he fell onto the ground. "WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!"

Stay tuned for the next installment of Ratman and Pidgeon!