so basically, whenever i write something in here, it means theres something wrong. well this time, i guess i have two problems. not problems really, just little issues. once again, no one really reads this... like occasionally one or two people will and they never really say anything about it to me, so thats why i post in here.
okies, so i haven't really been feeling like myself. i feel like.... i'm just watching me live and not really living myself. like, on the outside looking in. i don't know why >.< i really hate this feeling. i feel like i'm not in control of whats going on around me. things have been happening that i just cant do anything about. everything is just so ******** up! i mean... i can just feel myself slipping away. my sanity or something... i don't know. i feel like i'm just inches away from another mental breakdown. im kinda afraid of that. every time that happens, i do something really bad and disappoint everyone around me. theres nothing i hate more than being a disappointment. i don't know what to do at this point. within the last two weeks, i've just randomly started crying for no reason. like, there was a reason, but it wasn't apparent. nobody knew what was wrong with me. i am just so unstable right now... i need some serious fixing.
another thing thats bothering me is that i've felt like i'm being replaced. i feel like someone else has taken the spot in everyones heart that was once mine. my best friends who weren't friends at all are now best friends and they've been doing things together without me. theres more, but i don't wanna say. its not that i dislike the people who are taking my spot, i just... feel like i'm not needed anymore. i'm slowly being replaced. and then when i told adrian about this, he just said "it'll be easier for them when you commit suicide since they don't like you anymore" that ******** hurt! he never said those kinds of things to me before, but i guess it doesn't matter. its all good... i guess. i'm just gunna have to deal with it. i really hope i start feeling better >.< i just feel like i'm in the way now, and it would be better if i just disappeared. i really want to disappear right now, but i'm afraid of being alone. i want to get out of everyones way, but i don't want to have no one. gah... life is overly complicated. it totally doesn't seem worth it.
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