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I once tried to roast a marshmallow with a lighter. Didn't work.

If at first you don't succeed...Skydiving isn't for you.

Beauty fades, but stupid is forever.

You can't be young forever, but you can be immature your whole life.

Thanks to television, I can't remember what happened eight minutes ago.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.

My karma ran over my dogma. O_o

I finally got it all together, but I forgot where I put it.

He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.

I'm having deja vu and amnesia at the same time: I've forgotten this before.

When life hands you lemons, squirt it in your enemy's eye.

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

Imagine, if you will, a world without hypothetical situations.