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In eighth grade I wrote a letter to myself to read when i'd graduated high school. I did, and it was one of the most sincere and wise things i'd ever read, I was completely blown away by my foresight then. When I wrote a letter to myself for when I graduate college, however, it was riddled with doubt, neurosis, and desperation. I couldn't match the flawless confidence of my youth.
That feeling seemed to sum up what i've been feeling at college this year, the doubt that what i've become a weak and unsure person. However, i've realized something. There is no going back. I can never be who I was then, just as I can't have the relationship I did with the people I knew then, and I can't live in that world. More than wishing to be a child again, I find myself wanting the good things of my past like confidence, wisdom, and love. But there is no way for me to go there again.
So i've decided, i'm going to keep going. I'm going to throw the past away and look only forward, and be passionate about it. I'm going to try and get rid of this doubt, this sniveling, apologetic air of weakness I've wrapped around myself. I don't need it.
I must be proud, because I have good reason to be. I must be confident because there is nothing to fear. And I must keep striving to improve myself and my craft, because that is what fills my life with healthy conflict and feelings of success. I want my life to be full, and only I can make it that way. I have to literally seize the day.

Everyone, school is a test of endurance of the heart. How much can it take before it's squeezed dry? I don't know. But I know this is where I want to be. I just have to be strong and maintain myself in any way I can. Even if that means changing.
Much love to you, my friends. I hope you're well.