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Nothing is ******** right anymore.
I miss the way things used to be, before everything got complicated,
Back when I was just a stupid, spoiled kid, with stupid ideas, and stupid problems.
Looking back, I wish I could punch myself for even shedding a tear back then. Everything was easy.
But now everything is just so wrong.
Evidently, if the only thing I can talk to is an inanimate object.
If they say "You're going back to therapy" one more time, I'm going to blow a casket.
Is the point of therapy not to tell the truth?! Would it not just be a huge waste of everyone's time and money to send me back there when all I'm going to do is lie?
It's not as though I can really tell the truth.
If anyone even believed me, I'm half sure I'd be committed.
At this point I don't even care.
I'm so ******** fed up right now, about things I can't even talk about.
I have no release - Nobody to talk to, nothing to break.
Even if I wanted to talk to somebody,
I don't know how to,
And I'm not allowed to break myself anymore,
Though I don't understand why anyone would care.
I can't even cry anymore.
Ever since I promised I wouldn't,
I can't.
I know I shouldn't, but I still can't help but wonder if anyone really cares,
If anyone really worries about me, or thinks about me...
Maybe they don't,
And maybe that's a good thing.
Maybe I don't deserve to be cared about.
Maybe, all the things wrong with me, I deserve to have them.
I hate this.
I didn't ask for this, and I don't want this.
It's happening again, and I hate it.
But whatever.
I'll click 'submit', and everything will go back to how it was before I started typing.
It'll go back to how it was when I said "Really, I'm fine."
I'll put the mask back on.
I shouldn't be posting this,
But if I don't, I'll split.
I don't want to break that promise again...
But it's over now.
 The Muffin Monster · Sat Nov 10, 2007 @ 07:20pm · 0 Comments |
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