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The past.
Everyone has one.
Everyone has something bad happen to them, Death, Hurt, So much, To much.
But to me the worst has yet to come.
Why do the young die? Why do they not live on to get married, have children, then grow old happy.
Why couldn't I have died instead? Why..him?
I must pour all my heart and soul into the journal for all eyes to see...
My pain, My demons, My mask. These are my words for the day to let it all out of the truth.
:My pain:
my pain is the thought of him dying. Why not me? He had a goal a dream? He was perfect. Straight A, A great leader, Everyone looked up to him. And then one day he was gone. Just like that. The worse part was being helpless. Seing his body into a fit on his bed as my mom screamed my dad trying to give him cpr. My grandmother yelling at us asking what was wrong. She on her deathbed in our dinningroom due to cancer. The only think i could do was crawl up in bed with her and calm her down. Useless. That is what i am. For now my parents are over protective at first it was....nice. But then it grew to locking me in a cage so nothing would hurt me. Why don't they just put a straight jacket on me from hurting myself.
:My demons:
They claw at me whispering their sick breath of death and blood. Wrapping me in the sweat darkness. For me and me alone as I hear every sound of that day. My mother cursing at God for taking him rocking back and forth mumbling crazily that he wasn't dead and it was just a dream.
I wish
The groanings erupted from his mouth to try and gain breath and my screaming. My horrible screaming of when they told me. My scream "He's my brother....you can't take away my brother..." The cries of my grandmother and my mom trying to comfort her as i sat in the darkness alone. Holding my family up in the light as i dwelled in the darkness. alone. ever so alone. except for my demons hissing and clawing in my mind.
:my mask:
How selfish am i for i keep it all for my own. It is mine and only mine. I will share my darkness and demons with no one. I hide it all in my mind trapped by a mask of a happy girl who never changed. It was hard to act that way. My mask hide it all when others asked me how i was i would just say fine. What was i suppose to say "O yea f**kin great o yea except my brothers dead" I would not say that for then they would taste my darkness. and I will not share it with no one but myself
l=my angle=l
But though threw that all that darkness there are times when i feel is white so pure. I can feel white wings erupt from my back. Silky and soft. Stretching out as the sun bent down and kissed them giving them a golden glow. My eyes filled with tears but of joy. "How lucky was i...to have had such a wonderful brother..."
heart heart heart
heart :RIP: heart
heart Jonathan heart
heart heart heart heart
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:heart///////////////////////:heart///////////:heart//////////:heart/////////:heartl
:heart///////////////////////:heart///////////:heart///////////:heart////////:heartl
:heart///////////////////////:heart///////////:heart////////////:heart//////:heart/l
:heart/:heart/:heart///////:heart///////////:heart/////////////:heart////:heart//l
:heart/:heart/:heart///////:heart//:heart//:heart///////////////////:heart///////l
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Like tomarrows your last day~ told to me by a very wise teacher who knew about Hearts and Locke's
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