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Doop doopa dee doop. I have something to say, but I can't say it. Because I don't know what it is. But I have to say it, but I can't. I'm trying here, but I can't do it. I know exactaly what I want to say but I can't say it. Can't put it into words. It's not that I can't share because this is my journal and I can do whatever the hell I want with it, but I just can't say it. -_-'
It's kind of like, I feel like I owe something but then I want something back for it and I feel like everything I'm doing is wrong and that I can't like what I like and that he's breaking apart from me but can't be breaking apart because he was never fully together with me and that I'm breaking apart even though I don't think I can because I was never fully together either. Very confusing, yes. Like the other he doesn't care and doesn't know anything about me, so he can't do the right thing when he doesn't know what it is. Can't do what's best for me because he doesn't know me. And I can't tell him because I don't want to, and because I don't know myself either. I'm a complete stranger. Sure, I have memories of everything but they don't seem like /my/ memories. Like they're someone else's and they've just been put into my head. Like I'm not real, just a figment of someone else's imagination. And I feel like I'm doing something bad and I don't know what to do because lately I've been questioning God and I don't want to but I can't stop and I don't know what to do. Praying doesn't do the same things for me as before and everything just feels weird. But then I don't want to go and just focus on all of my problems. My friends are having huge problems right now. I want to help them but I don't know how. Izzy and CaptainPotatoe and PotRoast are all depressed and stuff. I don't know why about Izzy, but I do know a little to why CaptainPotatoe and PotRoast are.
And today is my oldest friend's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTY!!!!!!
I really want to try and help my friends but I just don't know how. I don't know how to really let them know I care. That they really really mean something to me and they shouldn't feel down. But I don't know how. -_-'