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Y HELLO THAR EVARYBAWDY. Guess what I just got?
Nintendo Sixteh-For.

Apparently, my sister's friend Jarred had one sitting around thathe never used, so he figured I might want it. He also gave me some clothes he didn't need. He's a nice person. smile
So now, game system check: Gameboy Advance SP. Super Nintendo. Nintendo 64. Playstation 2. PSP. Ok.

He also lent some games to me. I had some fun with Super Mario 64, even though the controls were ridiculous. Half the game was like, "Okay, okay, come on Mario, sneak across the skinny platform- wait-what what are you doing NO, don't run toward the ledge, you idiot! Other way, stop running, don't- slipping across the ground, what the-why are you-Don't Mari- NOOO!"

That little plumber dude is hard to control. sad

And then I played Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
I don't mean to offend any of you huge LoZ fans or homosexuals out there, but...
Ocarina of Time.
Is.
THE GAYEST VIDEO GAME.
I HAVE EVER PLAYED.

So, you start out, an' ol' Treebeard of the forest is talking about destiny or something. I can't remember. Oh yeah, and The Boy Without a Fairy. So he sends the little fairy Navi out to get this dude, and help him in his destined journey, using "Thou" "Thy" and "Theoretic probability" alot.

Beforehand, A Link to the Past was the only LoZ game I had played before, so I was expecting some teen-kid, average looking, normal height, yeah.
WRONG.
Navi does a lookaround of the Koriko Forest Village or whatever it's called. And the people?
THEY'RE ALL ELVES.
SHORT LIL' ELVES WITH SILLY FACES AND GREEN TUNICS.
Ever seen the generic wood-elf in a cartoon? That's EXACTLY what these guys were like. And they're all running around, and going "Hi! heart " to Navi, and the fairy finally gets to Link. He's, of course, the little 2-foot-tall elf with a cheery face and green tunic seizuring in bed. Or was he sleeping? I dunno. Fairy girl wakes up elf boy, and we get to explore the village. Although after a go-around myself, I wish I had gone straight to Mr. Tree.

So it's a happy little bright sunshiny forest with smiling elf-people, and the cheery, cartoony, sugar-coated jingle in the background, and the skipping stones of happiness in the pond, and apparently the neighborhood bully-elf has forced some weaker, nerdy elves into doing his work. One of them is digging through grass and the other is humping a rock.
What?

So I find a sword and run to Tree man's grove, but wouldn't you know it, Mr. Elf-bully himself (Or Libo, as I've just remembered) is blocking the way with a stuck-up pig face and a bad attitude. I try to walk around him, but he float-slides (without moving his feet or changing his stance, folks!) into the way wherever I go. I slash at him with my sword, but it goes right through him. Finally, I try to give this freak of nature a piece of my mind, and he whines about how I can't see Treebeard without without a fairy, sword, AND shield, and how "You're not a man unless you have a fairy!!1!1!!"...
YOU'RE NOT A MAN UNLESS YOU HAVE A FAIRY.
Wow.

And his slow, double-digit I.Q. doesn't allow him to noticethe glowing, fluttering thing around my head until after he spews out his manly insults, nor does it let him notice the sword I have pressed against his invincible neck. So I get the shield from the store, and THEN he lets me in, all the time whining about how I'm a loser and why does Marin like you and not me, and blah-de-blah. SEE YA, LIBO.

I FINALLY get to the big old tree with a mustache, and he tell me that "Thy evil wizard from thy desert hath cursed me, thou forest savior, and travel inside thy dungeon interior for thy theoretic probability that thou shall destroy thy curse" Yeah. I let him eat me and walk around his wooden, spiderweb-filled, dungeon-like intestines until I find what appears to be the curse, which is actually a big evil butt-ugly scorpion thing that the little shrub dude I talked to must have had a thing for (ew!) and get outta there. But wait! Treebeard tells me that by the time he got Navi to bring me here, he was already doomed. So he's like, "KILL THE WIZARD IM GONNA DIE NOW KTHNX BYE" and he loses color and leaves.
But don't we get to have a little funeral for the forest guardian?
"Come on Link, we have to go to Hyrule!" and they make a bee-line outta there.

As I leave, it turns out Loser- I mean Libo is ticked off about Link's obvious superiority, and the nerd's not humping the rock anymore. Okay. So I'm like, FINALLY! I get to leave this freakshow! And the elf at the gate is screaming "TREEMAN SAID THAT WE'LL DIE IF WE LEAVE THE FOREST!!!! TURN BACK!!!!!!!!!!!" and I'm just like, "Hahah, shut up, plz." So I jump onto the bridge.
I'm finally free of that nonsense.
But wait, there's more!
Link's apparent love-interest has to follow him out. MORE ELVES!?
She gives him an ocarina as a sign of lov- I mean, rememberance and wishes him luck on his journey. "Ocarina of Time" *hint hint*? Perhaps.

Well, I have to go to bed very soon. *sigh* School's starting again in about a week. sad

EDIT: It's Mido, not Libo. surprised