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I'm the "angel" of bad news. Cold hard reality, or to put it bluntly - the downer. Well exuse me if the world isn't all fluffy and warm. To be honest, it is not. Innocence and naivete will only get you so far until someone comes along and shatters your image of the world.
I may be happy on the inside, but I know better than to let this control me. My happiness is a prelude to heartbreak, because if I go into a relationship, I know I will hurt in the end. Thinking otherwise will be just foolish.
I was a fool with Raymond. I thought he was the man I'd spend the rest of my life with. We were both naive. He didn't hurt in the end, I did. People go through several relationships before the find the one, they may go back to people they broke up with. I know heartbreak is in store for me, and perhaps I am a bit cautious before I throw myself back in the game.
To have someone kiss your hand, smile at you and think of you as a beautiful person - thats nice. But its not everything. I'd love to have someone show me that again. It'd be the thing to make me see things a bit differently.
I hate everyone's happiness, deal with it. Am I supposed to be all-supporting, all-caring and not think back to myself and think "why don't I have that?" I want to be happy, just like the next person, even if it is at the expense of my heart sometime in the future. John and Alexia showed me that happiness can be short-lived, and that scares me. What if I get into a relationship, and feel comfortable again only to have the other person throw the rug out from under me? That would be horrible. I'm starting to recover from having the guillotine cut me off. To have something like that would throw me back to where I was on 2-11.
I can't go back there.
Happiness will always be a prelude to some sort of heartbreak, for happiness does not last forever. Only in fairy tales. And we all knows those are fiction - life is not fiction. Deal.
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