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I know I'm supose to be one of those friends who understand people and care for all my friends, but I can't take bottleing up my anger anymore! I can't stand having to go to the doctor every once in a while and be told that I have high blood presure and and that if I don't let it all out, I have a high chance of having a stroke or having heart failure! This is so stupid! As young as I am! My mom says that I should just be thinking about boys and school! Not thinking about life, collage, my friends fighting, how to pay for anything, and this book! That's the least of my problems! This book is the cause of all this! My head aches, stomach turning pains that I can't explain it! How much it hurts just ot say that I might have to cancel this whole thing. I've worked my tail off just to have my head be blown to shreds and the pain of dying I long for is coming closer to the area of my actually killing myself! I can't stand all this anymore! I need a brake from it all! I can't think about this for long without actually walking up those stairs that lead to my step brothers room, through his window and over the edge of the roof! It's not fair to be this person that I am, the fact that my dad keeps telling me that he wants me to burry him, not the other way around. He started saying this when I was about 10! I can't help but cry because every time he talks to me, about my wieght and diet, he says that and I dont want him to die without me saying that I'm sorry that I wasn't perfect and that I wish I could have done better with my life besides being a fat, ugly slob! I wish, sometimes, that I would've taken that knife and cut through my neck! I wish, sometimes, that I was never born and that some one would just shoot me and get it over with! My life is a living hell and sometimes I wish I could just run away from mine and never come back! I bet everyones life would be better if I were just dead and not breathing and never exsisted! I just hate my life!
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