Yesterday as I sat, wasting my summer away by doing what I'm best at...nothing, I was hit by an inspirational spark. Now, I was supposed to be writing a short story (a deal Joshua and I made), but this artistic jive was just too good to pass up. So, I gathered up my water colors, pastels, verithin(r) markers, ink/nibs, two sketch books, two erasers (one kneaded and one gum), two pencil sharpeners (one electric and my trusty KU one), two anatomy books, my camera, and of course, a pencil. I brought my armada of art supplies out to the pool deck and camped outside for four hours, drawing and writing away. It felt so nice to get outside, away from the computer, and do something artistic again! One of the pictures I drew had a very specific purpose for a certain friend of mine whose name rhymes with Segan Mells (Who I actually called, by the way!).
Anyway, as I sat outside, my lower legs submerged in the pool, I found myself wondering about emotions, particularly the mystery called love. I mean, it is crazy what man will do in the name of love, just as it is crazy what he will do in the name of anything else, but love in particular. How does one know if they are in love? Is it possible to be in love during your teen years? Or even adulthood? Why can't we control who our hearts desire? Why is it that more often than not, exes are hostile towards each other (this one is a big question. How is it that with a disagreement, we can so easily turn the person we gave our most attention to, shared so many feelings with, and trusted so much into someone we greet with snide remarks or cruel looks)? Of course, I know all people are different, every relationship and it ending varies, but in reality, there are a set of certain guidelines all relationships follow. Patterns can be seen everywhere, despite the fact life has infinite possibilities, it will always follow patterns where human nature is involved.
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As I sat by my pool, I managed to flip through the notebook I mentioned before. In doing so, I found an old poem I wrote during a time of indecision towards two hearts I cared for (thus the tangent on 'love'). Also, a thought occurred to me that I jotted down. Upon looking back at it, I still agree...
Why do you nuture such disdain for love?
Why must you make this triangle a pyramid?
Why watch the heart you want shatter
And why let this heart adore ignorantly?
How can you say they both matter?
Why let your tears fall infront of one
Only to wear that smile for two?
Sure, you're happy in his arms,
Until you think of another's kiss
Neither hate you, they refuse to try
Who could doubt your love, your heart?
What a heart, a manipulative heart
Tell them, Oh Heart, you manipulative heart
Tell them, Sweet Heart, what did you start?
Just lie back, listen to the storm
The skies arise a solemn grey
Ironic that they mirror your mind
Watching and waiting for your pawns to hate.
Hate the girl that loves them so
Hate the heart that doesn't know
What a heart, a manipulative heart
Tell them, Oh Heart, you manipulative heart
Tell them, Sweet Heart, what did you start?
You chose, you 'had' to, aye?
And still, sweet insanity persists to object
You chose, but do you know what you want?
Or did you stop listening so long ago?
Watch how she can smile for anyone
Blissfully unaware of each heart she snares.
Too bad you stopped listening - I'll give you a hint:
When everyone's gone and you're off the phone
Whose heart do you yearn for when you're all alone?
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Of course, as a poem, the emotion described had to have a name when referred to so often. However, I am not claiming to be 'in love', merely that my heart possessed/possesses strong emotions such as empathy, caring, and desire often associated with love. One that note, this is the thought that occurred:
Perhaps life comes in stages. True love has levels, just as does knowledge, age, and time itself. Our ignorance and youth does not keep us from experiencing true emotions, simply handicaps us from analyzing the understanding beneath it. When a toddler loves her teddy bear, the innocence of her youth has given the bear a name, personality, and life of its own. This is love. Just because she's a child, simply because the bear is not actually living, and cannot return her affection, these do not make the love she shares any less true. That's the beauty of it, the love is unconditional, she does not need the bear to hug her back, and perhaps, in that sense,, her love is more real than of that between lovers. When a believer prays to the deity of their faith, when they willingly worship and loyally devote their time to showing their god they care, that is true faith. Regardless of whether or not they can prove the existence of their god does not make their devotion any less real. The fact that faith is just that, a belief without proof, makes it a truer candidate for a reality than proof. Therefore, is the emotion a couple share for one another, as long as it's real to them, is the definition of love, regardless of age?
